Wilted Carnation
by AgoodWITCH
Summary: The unthinkable happened while Edward was away & the Bella he finds is not the one he left behind. What can he do to fix the best friend he's loved for as long as he can remember when she won't let him in.
1. While You Were Gone

**This story was born from an o/s I wrote called "As Pretty as a Flower." I had been looking at a bunch of my baby pics and thought about how when you're that little you never imagine all the things that will go wrong in your lives, only the good.**

**Then I got to thinking about a Bella and Edward that had known each other all their lives and what would happen when that friendship is tested. This story is heartfail, you will need tissues at points, but this will be a HEA…even though you may not think so at times.**

**This deals with depression and self-injury, which is why the first three chapters were included in the Fandom Fights Mental Illness compilation. I plan to post once a week and will be continuing to bank chapters to see if I can keep a good update schedule on this as the chapters are so short.**

**Much love to Mizzdee for betaing this, as well as Rosalynn and Tkegl for their banners and the gif…I've never had a fan banner before Tkegl's which was awesome. Also, my pre-readers (another first) Tkegl and burntcore. Thanks for making this story as good as it could be.**

Chapter 1 – While You Were Gone

I had been ecstatic about being selected to travel through Europe as part of a special program for artists. My portfolio had been shown in Seattle more than once and I'd even sold a few pieces.

The morning I opened the letter, I ran straight out to my car and drove to Chief Swan's to give Bella the good news. The moment I saw her laying out, trying to get a little color in the early Spring sun, I walked over to her blanket and brushed the carnation I had picked from my mother's garden against her arm, startling her awake. "You got in?" she asked.

She knew from the flower that it was good news, as I still gave her a pink carnation whenever I was coming with big news. Those flowers had celebrated many occasions and brought a smile to her face when all she wanted to do was cry. It was May 2nd and I was scheduled to fly out for London on June 22nd, which meant that we got to celebrate my 17th birthday just before I went to explore the world for a majority of the summer, studying art along the way.

Bella and I had known each other since the first day of Pre-K and I'd loved her ever since. Back in those early days we went around like boyfriend and girlfriend, but over the years the friendship that developed became so important to us that I wouldn't risk it on the chance that she didn't feel the same way.

When it was time for me to leave, I begged my parents to let Bella drive me to the airport, hoping to get up the courage to talk to her. Bella pulled up to the curb at the airport in my Volvo and helped me give my bags to the skycap, waiting as I got my ticket before I turned to her. Before I could speak, she threw her arms around me and kissed my cheek.

"Edward, I'm so proud of you," she said. "I can't believe my best friend is going to Europe for the summer to study art. You knock them dead over there and we'll all be waiting for you when you get back. Just don't forget to send me postcards and pictures and stuff."

"I won't. Love ya, Bella." The chicken in me won out as I smiled and let her go, knowing that she'd still be there when I came back and we'd have the entire Senior Year ahead of us.

Those first few days were hard on both of us as we rarely went anywhere apart. I would go with Bella when she visited Renee and we always took Bella with us on our family trips as Charlie couldn't take that kind of time off with such a small police department. We'd always been two peas in a pod, neither of us really having other friends, just classmates we'd hang out with once in a while.

I loved the eight days in England, drawing and painting constantly, sending Bella and my parents photos of my work. After the first few days in the Netherlands, I was stopped by one of the chaperones when we came home from one of the landscape classes.

"Mr. Cullen, your mother called about an hour ago, she said it was an emergency. You can use the land line and call her collect."

My heart dropped into my stomach as I walked over to the phone. Dialing my home number, I waited for the answer that seemed to take forever. When I finally heard my mother's voice, I knew whatever it was, was bad.

"Mom, its Edward. What's wrong?"

"Oh, sweetheart, thank goodness we finally got a hold of you. The day you left England, there was a big drug bust in Seattle and Charlie was working the night shift. One of the men evaded capture and was taking the back roads to get away and…" Her voice broke and I heard her take in a shaky breath. "Charlie caught him speeding and when he stopped the man, he was shot. Bella was sleeping over here that night when your father called to tell us that Charlie…he didn't make it."

I steadied myself on the counter, knowing all the things that could mean but also realizing that if it had happened five days ago, Charlie had most likely been buried and Bella had gone through it alone for the most part. "How's Bella? Is she there?"

"No, she isn't. Renee and she are packing her things up. She's going to be moving in with us so that she can graduate with the people she's known her whole life instead of heading off to a new school for her last year of high school. Renee signed the papers making us her legal guardians for the time being. Edward, I know the area you're in has bad reception, but once you make it to France, please call Bella. She's all torn up about this and I don't know how she's going to make it through this. She's too young to have to face something like this."

"Mom, I'm coming home. This is crazy; I should be there for her. I'll change my flights and be home as soon as I can after we get to France. Two days tops and I'll be landing in Seattle."

"Edward, don't. This is an amazing opportunity for you and you know Bella well enough to know that she'll blame herself if you come home early. It will be six weeks and then you'll be home. Just try to make the best of everything while you're there. Please, sweetheart, call her and let her vent some and we'll take care of her for you until you come home."

"Okay Mom, let her know I'll be calling her in two days."

"I will. Thank you Edward."

"No problem, take care of her for me. Love you."

"Love you too." I hung up the phone and went up to my room. Once I got there, I settled in and began drawing my girl. There was nothing I wanted more than to be there for her, but at the moment I was an ocean and a continent away.

When I got on the train to France, my phone finally had enough reception to answer my voicemail, but what I heard broke my heart. There were 18 messages from my parents and Bella and as each message progressed I felt even sicker, but there was still nothing I could do.

Arriving in Paris, I went to my room at the hotel and took my cell phone out, calling Bella immediately. The phone rang twice before I heard her voice.

"Edward?"

"Bella, how are you, hon?"

Bella's tears answered my question as she sobbed into the phone. "Edward, he's gone…I don't know…I can't…" The tears won out over her thoughts and I tried in vain to calm her. After about fifteen minutes of just letting her cry, I switched my iPhone over to the camera and sent her the sketch of a carnation I had done on the train. I could hear the chime of her email and then the gasp as she opened the file. "5,000 miles away and you still manage to send me a carnation. Thank you, Edward."

"Anything for you, now I hate to do this, but I have to go. But I promise to call you soon."

"You have fun over there. I'll talk to you soon."

Over the next six weeks, I called Bella every week, but as time went on, I caught her voicemail more than her and I got fewer messages back. When I got on the plane from Athens, Greece to New York I started to get nervous as to what I'd find when I got there.

After finally landing in Seattle, my father was waiting at the airport for me. "Edward, how was Europe?"

"Great. Amazing. I'll never forget it. Where's Bella?"

My dad laughed and hugged 'his son' as we walked to baggage claim. "She's out with her friends. It seems that after a few weeks of sitting home alone she started hanging out with Alice Brandon and it has perked her up. I'm not too fond of the pink hair, but it's better that than a tattoo or something."

"Pink hair? Bella has pink hair?" My voice rose an octave as I spoke.

"Just streaks, your mother said. She did it for her." My dad shook his head as we headed for the car.

Three hours later, I was running out of my father's car and straight into the house when I saw Bella's truck out front. Sprinting up to my room, I dumped my bags and ran over to the guest room and knocked, the door flying open.

"Edward!" Bella threw her arms around my neck and kissed me, catching me off guard.

"Bella, not that I mind, but what was that?"

"That was your welcome home present. Now come out with us, we're going to a party at Emmett's house tonight."

"Since when do you party with the popular crowd?" I asked, confused by her behavior.

"Since they were the only ones here this summer." My face fell and she placed her hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at her. "I didn't mean it like that. Shit, Edward, I'm sorry. It's just they were here and they kept me from going crazy and now I want you to come out and see the things you've been missing this summer. We start school next week and I just want to enjoy the last of the summer. Please, Edward?"

I nodded. "Just let me go change."

About thirty minutes later, Bella was dragging me through the crowd until she found Alice. "Holy shit, Edward Cullen? Someone get him a drink!"

Emmett came up behind us and handed both Bella and I a beer. "Hells Bells, you brought us another one. Good to see you back, Cullen."

Bella drank the beer quickly and headed into the room where beer pong was being played. I followed and watched as she flirted with Eric Yorkie to get him to give up his spot in the next game. As she approached the table, Tyler Crowley let out a whistle and started setting up the cups on his end as she did the same.

Bella played for twenty minutes and by the end of it she had beaten Tyler and set up to play against Eric. Mike Newton headed to her side to get ready for the next game and as Bella's throws continued to go further from the table, Mike slipped in behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist as he whispered in her ear. This sent me into full caveman mode as I swept her up and took her into the living room saying good-bye to Emmett and Alice, who sat perched on Jasper's lap, and headed out to the car.

Sitting her in the front seat, I jumped in a minute later and drove off before she could get back out, the doors automatically locking as I sped up. By the time we got home, I was the only one talking in the car. "Bella, what was that?"

"That was me having fun, you know, living? I've been acting good my entire life and what did it get me? What did it get my father? Well I'm done, Edward, and from now on I'll go out without you if you're going to make a fool out of me."

"Bella, you're drunk."

"And you're an ass!" Bella got out of the front seat and walked up to the house with me following behind her.

When I reached her door I found it locked and shook my head as I went down the hall to my room. "Well, dumbass, you did it now."


	2. My Girl

**Another week, another update! Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the story already. I'm starting my vacation on Sunday, so I'll be doing quite a bit of writing. Love to my beta, mizzdee, I love you wifey. Also, my pre-readers Tkegl and burntcore…I love you for all the hard work you put into this so far. Tissue warning for the end, but I cry at greeting cards and commercials, so that should give you a basis for your decision. Click the button and let me know what you think~ **

Chapter 2 – My Girl

When I woke up the next morning, the house was empty so I decided to do my laundry. After I unpacked the rest of my stuff, I took a drive over to the cemetery to visit Chief Swan. I still felt terrible for missing his funeral and I knew that had to have been hard for Bella. The girl who went out last night was definitely not the person who dropped me off at the airport. I didn't know what happened while I was gone to cause this switch, but hoped that I could find a way to bring back my girl. I've seen Bella face a lot, but she's never gone to this kind of extreme.

I went back to the house and continued doing my laundry, trying to wrap my head around the events of the last few weeks. Bella had always been my best friend, but I wasn't used to seeing her so reckless. The next load was in the washer when my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but it was local, so I answered.

"Hello?"

"Edward, it's Alice Brandon. Before you hang up on me, I wanted you to know that last night isn't the norm. A bunch of people crashed the party that we don't normally invite and we didn't see how crazy it was getting until after you left with Bella. We normally keep it much more intimate."

"Thanks, but I don't really need the-"

"Please, let me finish. We're hanging out at First Beach today and I know Bella would love it if you came out. Just give us a real chance."

I grumbled and then decided that if they were part of Bella's life, it was best to get to know them now and see what really happened this summer. "Okay, I'll be there in a half hour, do I need to bring anything?"

"Just yourself. See you later."

The line disconnected so I went to my room and changed into my bathing suit and a t-shirt. I slid on my flip-flops and grabbed my messenger bag, checking that my camera and sketchbook were both in there. The drive to La Push Reservation took about twenty minutes and as I pulled up to the parking lot, I saw many of the same cars that had been at Emmett's house last night.

The first thing that caught my attention on the beach was a screech from Rosalie Hale as her twin Jasper threw a pail of water on her where she was tanning. The rest of their group was close by with some of the kids from the Rez hanging out there too. It was too late in the season for tourists to be there, so we more or less had it to ourselves. I walked down to the sand and Alice looked up and ran over to me. "Edward, you made it!"

"Told you I would." I smiled as she handed me a soda.

Emmett looked up from his seat and offered me a fist, which I quickly bumped. Settling in on the rocks near them, I put my bag down and looked around. "Bella's with the girls over there. She's giving them the DL on Forks High since all the kids at the Rez will be going to school with us."

"Why are they going to Forks High?"

"The school burned down a few weeks ago. There aren't that many students in each year, so the elementary and middle schools were able to find room at the part of the building that survived the fire, but the high school was destroyed so they'll be bussing it to join our graduating class."

"Shit, a lot happened while I was gone."

Rosalie was back from pounding her brother so she sat in her abandoned chair next to Emmett and jumped in the conversation. "That's an understatement. Between the fire and the Chief, we've spent half the summer on curfew. Chief Mark didn't know how to cope at first, but things are finally calming down."

I sighed, pissed at myself for missing so much. "If you don't mind me asking, how did Bella start hanging out with you? I mean, we never really spoke to you guys much and now she's one of you."

"We're not as elite as people think. We just don't tolerate douchey behavior. It's why Mike is constantly on the outs with us." Alice shifted her weight and then continued. "The whole town closed down for the wake and funeral and Bella was really messed up, but she wouldn't talk to anyone about it. I was in the supermarket a few weeks later and she was standing in the hair care aisle staring at the dyes. I told her what to get so that her hair would lighten enough to dye it the color she wanted since I've done it before, and then asked her if she wanted to hang out."

Just then, Bella laughed and both Alice and I turned to see her standing with Emily, pointing at something the guys were doing. I turned back to her and she continued. "At first I'd go over to your house with her, but eventually I convinced her that getting out of the house wasn't disrespecting Charlie. If anything, it was a tribute to him that she was able to go on living. So she started hanging out with us." Alice turned to look at Bella one last time before she finished her story. "We don't drink that often and she's not used to it, normally it's like ten of us so it isn't bad, but Mike invited half of Forks, so we told him to hang out with Eric for a while."

"I guess I should thank you for hanging out with Bella while I wasn't here," I said. "I was kind of freaked out yesterday when she was all pink streaks and 'let's get drunk' and shit. But she's always been a force of nature."

We settled back into normal conversation as I pulled out my camera and snapped a few pictures that I could possibly draw or paint later, and then I pulled out my sketchpad and started drawing . Emmett had moved to the little hibachi grill he brought with him and Jasper returned from the water to make out with his girlfriend. I hadn't noticed Rosalie get up until she was leaning over my shoulder.

"Mind showing me some of the others?" She asked

"No, but this notebook only has a few, I have the rest at home." I flipped to the beginning of the book and showed her some of the last drawings I'd done in London, her hand stopping me at one that was a personal favorite of mine. I didn't use watercolors often because they were harder to control and I was a little anal about my work, but we'd had the assignment to do an impressionistic watercolor from one of the sights we'd seen in London on one of our sight-seeing trips. I'd taken a picture of a lone black swan at the pond at Buckingham Palace and my thoughts immediately went to Bella, so using the photo of the swan as the majority of the composition, I'd added Bella, sitting at the edge of the pond, looking at the swan as if it was her own reflection. My teacher had loved it and I left with that being one of the professional slides I'd had done and I had planned to frame it when I got home.

"It's beautiful. Not just the quality, but the subject. You're talented, Cullen."

"Thanks, Rosalie." She walked over to Emmett as the group from the Rez came running over, smelling the food. I stashed my book before it could get ruined.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" Bella's face was bright red and I could tell she was pretty shocked.

"Alice called; I've been here for almost an hour."

"Oh well, you remember Jake, he's Billy Black's son. And Leah and Seth Clearwater."

"Sure, it's been a while though."

"How was Europe? That must have been an amazing trip." Seth asked, bouncing around like a coked out puppy.

"It was. I was just telling Rosalie about it. Once in a lifetime."

"Well I would hope so, considering what you missed while you were gone," Jake snarled at me and I stepped forward, my fists clenched.

"Jake, stop being an ass. I would have killed Edward if he'd come home. It's not like it would have changed what happened." Bella got quiet as she finished her sentence, so I tried to distract her.

"Who are your other friends?" I asked – since she just addressed Jake. "It'll help knowing my classmates before school starts up."

Leah turned to the rest of the group as they walked up. "This is my boyfriend, Sam, and his best friends Jared and Paul. Those two meat heads are Quil and Embry and the younger ones are Brady and Collin. They're freshmen, like Seth, but the rest of us are the newest members of the senior class. Oh and Claire and Emily will be in our grade too, they're my cousins, but they don't move down until the end of week."

"Nice to meet you all." I waved kind of lamely, but thankfully Emmett jumped in to rescue me.

"Lunch is ready, so come and grab what you want, cause I'm not cooking for you bitches all day."

We all laughed and then grabbed some food and sat down to eat. Bella joined me, which seemed to irk Jake, but I could really give a shit about him at this point. My girl was back.

"Sorry about last night," Bella whispered, her eyes flickered to Jake, who was still watching us both.

"It was just a shock, but Alice explained that their parties aren't usually like that."

Bella nodded as she took another bite of her hot dog, a drop of ketchup falling just above the edge of her bathing suit. My eyes following it, which instantly caused a problem I didn't need to deal with in a loose fitting bathing suit. She saw my eyes and wiped the ketchup quickly, settling back into our conversation. "Yeah, they've thrown a few bigger parties, but normally it's us, Mike, Tyler and Jessica, but Mike had to go and be a dick and pull his shit."

"Whatever, it happened. So are you going out tonight?"

"No, your parents don't let me go out three nights in a row. It's one of their rules. I can go out as often as I want as long as they know who I'm going with and that I'm home two nights a week."

I was happy that she wasn't going out tonight, because I really wanted to talk to her. Hopefully, I could get her to open up to me. "You want to watch a movie in my room tonight?"

"Sure," she answered and then nudged me.

"What?" I didn't know what was bothering her, but she always subconsciously leaned in and then pulled away when she was hiding something.

"Were there…did you make any friends on your trip?"

I knew what she was really asking, so I was quick to ease her mind. "Yeah, the people were great, but I spent most of my time working or worrying about you. I hated being away with everything that happened."

"It couldn't be helped; you had to stay. And you're here now, so that's all that matters."

At that moment, Jasper threw a pail of water on the two of us and Bella jumped up, chasing after him. She looked so carefree that I couldn't help but laugh as I chased after her, grabbing her by the waist and running her into the ocean. She shrieked in surprise as the ocean swallowed us both, and when we popped back to the surface, she was eyeing me. "You'll pay for that, mister."

"I wouldn't expect any less."

After another hour or so, we packed up and said good-bye to the kids from La Push, knowing that we'd be seeing them on Monday. Five days until school started back up and already I was wishing for more time.

Bella had driven herself, so we packed up our stuff and I followed her home. We split up to shower and get changed into something comfortable before ordering pizza and deciding what movie to watch. Wednesdays were my mom's late day because she was always visiting clients, so when the food arrived we headed straight for my room.

I turned on the TV and pulled up my Netflix account, scrolling through the queue that was a combination of Bella's and my taste in movies. I was beginning to think we'd never find a movie that we'd like when Bella yelled at me to stop. "Can we watch _My Girl_? It's supposed to be one of the ultimate coming of age movies and it's about two best friends."

"Sure," I told her, selecting the movie and waiting for it to begin streaming.

We'd made it through the first hour and fifteen minutes of the movie when everything went to shit. I just couldn't stop thinking about how much Bella and I were like Veda and Thomas J. when he went into the woods to look for the mood ring she'd lost. Kicking the beehive out of the way, a minute later the swarm filled the air and Bella gasped, "NO!"

I turned to her but her hands were covering her ears and she had her eyes squeezed shut . I fumbled for the remote and turned off the movie, grabbing Bella and pulling her over to me. "Bella, it's okay, the movies off."

"It's not okay! Just because you stopped the movie, doesn't change the fact that he died. He's dead, Edward. He's dead." The last part was strangled and barely a whisper as she started crying again. I guess her shouting altered my parents to the fact that we were home, because my mom came in, probably to yell at us for having the door closed, when she saw Bella sobbing into my chest.

"Is she okay?" My mom mouthed to me and I just shrugged, but she trusted me enough that I'd talk to her about it later. For the time being, I sat there and held my girl as she cried.


	3. A Rash Decision

**Thanks to my beta, mizzdee and my pre-readers, tkegl and burntcore. This is the last of the chapters that were included in FFMI, so next week we'll start with the never before seen chapters. Some of the underage no noes begin this chapter, so consider this your warning. Click the button below to let me know what you think.**

Chapter 3 – A Rash Decision

I woke up early Thursday morning, going through all of my notebooks and finding what I needed to take with me to Seattle. I had to get slides of the rest of my work done, plus I needed to get the frames purchased so I could have everything ready for Bella's birthday as well as the new pictures for my mini-gallery. I still remember the day my mom showed me that she'd converted the old spare suite up on the third floor into my gallery and studio space.

I'd told her that she didn't have to do it, but she had insisted. My parents bought this house because my mom had fallen in love with it, but also because they'd planned on having a big family. With it being just the three of us, the giant seven-bedroom house just didn't feel full with so many spare bedrooms. My parents each had their own offices and I had the upper floor, allowing us each to have our private spaces.

With my portfolio packed, I grabbed my wallet and keys and made my way to the driveway so I could make the three-hour drive and be there when the store opened. Listening to the radio, I stopped quickly at a drive-thru on my way and by 10:30 I was walking into the framers. I spoke to the salesperson, who first helped me select the frames that I wanted for the various pieces I was framing and then asked one of the slide photographers to discuss that part of the process with me. When everything was set, I paid half of the bill and agreed to pay the rest next Wednesday when I picked them up. This place was one of the best, so I trusted them with the first half of Bella's present, making a print of the watercolor I'd done in London, and framing it, just in time for her birthday.

After that was done, I headed to the mall, knowing that I needed to get new clothes for school, but also knowing the last thing I wanted to do was go shopping with my mom. I was in the fitting room, trying on some jeans when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Edward, sweetie, where are you?" My mom's voice crooned through the phone.

"I had to go to Seattle to visit the framers so I stopped by the mall to get some school clothes."

"Why didn't you tell me? Bella and I are in Port Angeles shopping, but if I'd known we would have all gone together."

Really glad I dodged that bullet, I tried to sound remorseful. "Sorry, Mom, but I had to leave early and everyone was still asleep when I left. Plus, I'm getting Bella's birthday present."

"Okay, well hurry home, because your father and I are leaving in a few hours and we want you both here so we can talk to you."

"Mom, I'm not a girl, I'll be done here in an hour tops, and then the drive so I'll be home like 3:30, four 'o'clock."

"All right, Edward, see you then."

I hung up and tried on some jeans and slacks before walking to the register. I pulled out my credit card and was soon off picking out some shirts. Twenty minutes later, I'd managed to stay under my clothing limit and had everything I needed for school. Now, it was just some school supplies and Bella's birthday gift and I was home free.

I stopped by a little jewelry store in the mall to see if I could find Bella a present, but it wasn't something in the jewelry case that caught my eye. In the figurine case, they had a black crystal swan and considering the other half of her gift, I had to go for it. I had the piece wrapped and paid for and was now off to get school supplies.

My trip to Staples was over quickly. Luckily, I wasn't in an art supply store, or I would have been there all day. I got in the car and drove home, knowing my parents were looking forward to their annual trip. Normally, Charlie was around to check on us, but after a summer on my own, I guess Mom and Dad trusted Bella and me alone. Which was huge.

When I pulled up, everyone was home so I grabbed my bags and ran into the house, handing my father the receipt from my clothing and school supplies so he could deduct that from the balance I had on my credit card. It was something they paid for, not something I'd have to pay for out of my allowance. My parents took their normal spot for a lecture, standing in front of the fireplace and I sat down next to Bella. My dad looked at both of us and then spoke.

"This is the first time we're doing anything like this, and we expect you both to respect our rules. There are to be no parties, no smoking and no drinking, Esme and I both remember what it's like to be young, but we also know that you are good kids and we don't want that to change while we're gone. Your friends can come over, but they have to be gone by 9pm, which is a curfew we're imposing on this house. We're going to call tonight when we arrive, as well as Friday and Saturday nights to make sure you're home. If you're going to go to a friend's house, text us so we know to call your cell. We're trusting you that we don't have to set up sleepovers, or whatever you call them, whenever we go out of town, but we will if need be. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Carlisle," Bella whispered.

"Sure thing, Dad."

"And the credit cards you have can be used in an emergency only, but if you charge something, the same rules apply as normal. Esme explained that to you today, right Bella?"

"Yes she did, and I still have my bank card with my allowance in it."

"Good, we'll be home Sunday evening. Have a good weekend."

My parents left and I took my bags up to my room. When I was done getting everything ready, I walked across the hall to see what Bella wanted to eat.

"Bella?"

"What is it?" I couldn't quite place it, but she sounded a little off.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, did you need something?" Once again, I got the nagging feeling, but I let it go for a moment.

"Just wanted to know what you were in the mood for as far as dinner goes."

"Oh, your mom and I picked up some things. I'll be down in a few to cook something."

"Bella, you don't have to-"

"I insist. Just give me a few minutes."

I waited downstairs, and soon Bella was there in a long sleeve shirt and shorts, pulling a bag from the freezer. "It's not lasagna, but these are pretty good, I used to cook them for-"

Her sentence died and I tried to tell her it was okay, but she brushed it off. She was silent the next few minutes as she cooked and all throughout dinner, going to her room as soon as she was done helping me load the dishwasher. I fell asleep later on, still thinking about her erratic behavior.

~O~O~O~O~

I didn't know what time it was, but I was woken up by something straight out of my hottest wet dream. The first thing I noticed was Bella's voice as she purred my name into my ear. Then she began kissing down the side of my neck. My eyes slowly opened just before her hips rocked against mine.

With that movement, my head snapped up and I took in the full picture of the girl on top of me. She had on cotton shorts and a pink and black lace bra – a sight that went straight to my cock. I slid my hands up her sides as she lowered herself to my lips. Her mouth found mine as my hands cupped her breasts and gently began massaging them. I tasted the alcohol on her tongue and knew that she was drunk. I pulled away and looked at her again, noticing the goofy grin and her glassy eyes-both clues that I recognized from when we got drunk at her mom's wedding to Phil. She leaned in to kiss me again but I shifted and sat up, raising my knees so she wouldn't fall. "Bella, we can't do this."

"Why not? I want you Edward." Her words weren't helping my resolve, but I stood my ground.

"Because you're drunk and I don't want our first time to be like this."

Bella rocked against my painfully hard erection again and I moaned involuntarily. "You sure seem to want me."

"How are you even drunk? Did you break into my parents' liquor cabinet?"

"No, some chick bought it for me."

Seeing as my words weren't convincing her. I lifted her off my lap and held onto her arms. "You aren't the Bella I love. You're a drunken shadow of her and I won't cash in my V-card for something you won't remember in the morning!"

Bella pulled away and stumbled off my bed and out of my room. I followed her, tripping over my blankets, and made it into the hallway just in time to see her door slam closed. I ran to it and started banging but she wouldn't answer, even when I apologized and begged her to talk to me. I slumped in her doorway and fell asleep quickly, pissed at the world that this was happening.

~O~O~O~O~

The floor under me shifted and creaked a second before I heard her gasp, but I shot to my feet as soon as I took in Bella's tear soaked face as she whispered, "Shit."

"Bella, what happened? And how in the hell did you get past me?"

Bella wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and mumbled, "I climbed down the trellis."

"You could have fallen! Where'd you go to that you snuck past me and came back this upset?"

"I can't tell you. You hate me enough already."

"I don't hate you. I just love you too much to take advantage of you when you're drunk. Now, why are you crying?"

"I can't-"

I scrubbed my hands over my face and then lightly gripped her arms. "You can tell me, please?"

"I slept with Jacob Black." She rushed the words out but I caught them and dropped my hands as if I'd been tasered.

"What?"

"I drove out to La Push and he saw me pull off by the cliffs. We went there a few times this summer so I'd hung out with him then. He wanted to see if I was okay and I slept with him. I needed to feel wanted, but as soon as it was over, I regretted it."She swayed on her feet, but her eyes were pleading. "Edward, please say something."

"I…you…what…ugh! You slept with _him_. I can't even look at you right now." I punched the wall and walked back to my room, slamming the door and locking it behind me.

When I woke up later that morning, the house was empty and I needed to blow off some steam. I threw on some clothes and headed to the diner.

Pulling into the lot, I didn't see Bella's truck and it was actually a relief not to have to deal with the drama for a little while. I sat down at the counter and ordered a coffee, having no idea whether or not I was even hungry. I was buried in my menu when I sensed someone sit next to me.

"Hey Ed, what's up?"

I looked over to see Emmett smiling at me. "Hey Emmett."

The waitress came back and took out her notepad. "What can I get you?"

"I'll have a cheese omelet, with bacon and wheat toast."

She nodded and turned to Emmett. "Usual, hon?"

"Thanks Dee." Emmett smiled and then turned to me. "You look like someone shot your dog, and I know you don't have any pets, so what are you and Bella fighting about now?"

"Did you just call Bella a bitch?" I still wasn't sure what that comment meant, but it was the first thing I got out of it.

"What? No. A dog is man's best friend, so if you don't have a dog, the best friend you have is…well, your best friend. Jesus."

"I'm not so sure I can call her that after last night."

"What'd she do now?" Emmett looked serious, but I wasn't sure I could say anything.

"She just crossed a line."

"She's been doing that all summer, you have no idea how many times Jasper and I had to literally drag her away from doing something stupid."

"Can you tell me what really happened?" It seems Emmett had a better view of Bella's spiral than most, so he should have been the one to ask.

"After Charlie…we all went to the funeral, you know out of respect and class support and all, but then it started getting out of hand. We all partied, but she was so new to it, she'd get blackout drunk and do dangerous things. That's why we kept her so close at first, we would have done it either way, but it was the fact that we cared so much that had us doing things every night, just to keep an eye on her. Alice tries to make it sound like we're all controlled and it's no big deal, but we're good at being covert and Bella knew that. But she's been pushing harder and that's when it gets sketchy. She gives me a run for my money and I've got at least a hundred pounds on her."

"She may not be talking to me for a while. will you keep an eye on her for me?"

Emmett nodded and took a sip of his coffee. "Sure thing. Anyone in particular you want me to look out for?"

I gritted my teeth and huffed out my response. "Jacob Black."


	4. Things Fall Apart

**A lot going on in this little piece, and we're winding up to the next big bump. This chapter almost didn't go up, but my ear problems let up enough for me to get these posted. Thanks to mizzdee, tkegl, and burntcore for their hard work and love. Enjoy~**

Chapter 4 – Things Fall Apart

The weekend passed quickly, with limited conversation between Bella and I, but I was thankful that she didn't go out. So I didn't have to wonder about her and Jacob. The thought alone made me a little sick.

I woke up Monday morning to the smell of my mother cooking breakfast. A shower and shave later, I was getting dressed and heading down to the dining room.

"Morning, sleepyhead, I almost sent your father up after you," my mom smiled as she put the last of the food on the table.

"This looks great, Esme," Bella said as she made a plate and started eating.

"Thank you, sweetheart. Now are you two going in together?"

"No, I'm going to the library after school and don't want Edward to be stuck waiting for me."

"Yeah, I was going to take a ride down to La Push and finish my sketch before it gets too cold to be down by the water."

"Well, as long as you both have a plan, just be back for dinner at 6pm."

We both told my mom that we'd be home and then headed outside to drive to school. I followed Bella's truck and we pulled into the parking lot to see most of the school already there. I found Emmett as we watched Jake walk over to where Bella parked, throwing his arm around her shoulder. It only took a moment, but to our surprise she shrugged out from under his arm and headed for the school.

"Well, that's a happy surprise," Emmett muttered as we made our way to first period.

The morning flew by and when lunch time came, I went to my locker only to see something that made my stomach turn. Bella was leaning against her locker, with Jake cupping her cheek. She removed his hand and went to walk away, but he was blocking her way. I tapped Emmett on the arm and we walked over to intervene.

"Jake, I'm not interested in you like that, it was a mistake," Bella said irritably.

"Baby, you gotta quit saying that. It's not a mistake." Jake tried to brush his hand down her arm, but we were both there.

"You heard her, Jake, she doesn't want you touching her," I growled, but all he did was shoot me a dirty look.

"This doesn't involve you, Cullen." Jake towered over me and I was prepared to fight him, even if he was likely to kick my ass.

"Jake, don't start something, because it _will_ end badly." Emmett spoke through gritted teeth and Jake realized that there was more than just me willing to fight to keep him away from Bella. Jake backed off and Bella tried to walk away, but I stopped her.

"Bella, please?"

"I can't, not right now."

"Okay, I'm here when you're ready. I don't like not talking to you." I reached down to squeeze her hand and the three of us walked to the cafeteria. The rest of the day came and went and Bella went home straight from school, and I almost followed her so we could talk, but I really needed to get the sketch done.

I set up on the rocks of First Beach, taking in the landscape so that I could eventually paint the image that was in my head from the drawing of the reality. I spent about thirty minutes down by the water alone when I heard his approach.

"Cullen, what in the hell are you doing here?"

"What does it look like, Jacob? I'm sketching."

"Well get lost, it's bad enough you somehow convinced Bella to stay away from me, but now you're down here to throw it in my face?"

"No, I'm here to finish something I started last week, but Bella's decision to stay away from you was her own," I retorted, trying to keep control of my raging emotions. "She was drunk and you took advantage of the fact because you knew that she'd never sleep with you sober, but she was also upset. Did you bother to ask her what upset her?" I leaned toward him, feeling a rush of satisfaction at the flash of guilt in his eyes. "I'm guessing not because she would have told you that I was too much of a nice guy to fuck her when she wasn't thinking clearly. That's why she came out here, and you found her and worked the whole, my dad knew your dad shit, didn't you? Only a prick like you would use her father like that to get into her pants."

"You son of a bitch!" His fist came flying at me before I could duck; hitting me right in the eye, but I pushed him off and grabbed my shit.

"I'll let you have that shot, but next time, I'm gonna come at you with everything I've got." I walked up to my car and turned to go home. I drove down the main road and turned for home, knowing I needed to get some ice on my eye.

Bella's mom called to ask about her first day, so I didn't get to talk to her until after dinner. My eye didn't go unnoticed by my mom, and she told me that when my dad got home from his meeting in Port Angeles, she'd have him look at it to make sure that it was okay. Bella sat there quietly, so after dinner, I went to find her. Going into her room, I saw the small bottle of Jack Daniels on her bed.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was angry as I spun around to see her close the door.

"I could ask you the same thing. My parents would ground you for two months, easy, if they saw that."

"Whatever, it's not like you care."

That comment pissed me off because she knew how much I cared about her. "How could you say that? You know I love you."

"Don't say that." Her voice was broken and I would have said something to her, but my mom called up to me.

"Edward, can you come here a moment?"

"I'll be right back, this isn't over," I told her before going to find my mom.

"Your father locked his keys in the car, so I have to drive out to Port Angeles with his spare keys. We should be back in about two hours, depending on the traffic. If you guys go anywhere, you have until nine to be home."

"Okay Mom, catch you later." I ran back upstairs to find Bella and was surprised that she wasn't still in her room. I waited, thinking she went to the kitchen or the bathroom, but after about ten minutes of sitting there, I decided to search the house. When my search came up empty, I looked outside to see her car was still out front and panicked. We lived off of the highway and it was dark out. She could easily get hurt. Not knowing what else to do, I called Emmett.

"Hey Ed, what's up?"

"Bella ran off. Now it could be nothing, but she's on foot and it is dark out-"

Emmett cut me off and I heard rustling on the other end. "I'll get everyone out looking. You stay back in case she comes home, and I'll send Jasper to La Push, because he won't hit Jake-"

"I'm not staying home. I can't do nothing while she's out there!"

"Okay, Peanut can hang out at your place, are your parents out looking too?"

"No they're out, but they'll be home in a few hours and I'd like to have her back here before I have to tell them."

"Sure, I'll drive over with Alice to pick you up and she'll watch your place."

"See you in a few." I hung up and started freaking out, thinking where she could be. When Emmett showed up, he seemed to have a game plan.

"Jasper's checking La Push, in case she called Jake, and Rose is driving through town on her way back towards here. We'll go in the other direction, towards Seattle. The cemetery was empty, but Rose will check it again because it'll take her a while to get there and she may have still been in the woods on the way to the road."

"I'm going to look in the woods close to the house, in case she just wanted to be alone." Alice said as she walked up to me and placed her hands on my cheeks, tracing my black eye. "We'll find her, Edward."

I nodded, unable to speak as I got into Emmett's jeep and we headed out of town. We were driving slowly so we could really look at the roadside and the woods. It was hard, considering how dense they were and how dark it was, but I couldn't give up hope. Luckily, we didn't need to look for too long. About two miles from the turn to my house, we barely saw her, but she was there, crouching on the opposite side of the road. Emmett stopped the car and I almost jumped out, but Emmett grabbed me. "This is where Charlie was killed. He pulled the guy over just before he entered Forks and got shot."

I nodded and got out, running across the street to where she was, bending down, only to be pushed away. "Get out of here!"

"No, Bella. This is dangerous; you could get hurt if someone doesn't see you."

"Good, I hope they kill me. Everyone would be better off without me."

"No they wouldn't, I'd be lost without you. Now come on, let's go home." It was killing me, hearing her talk like that, but I had to get her off the side of the road.

"I can't go home."

I knew Bella was hurting, but it wasn't until that moment that I realized just how bad it was. "Shh, it's going to be okay, I promise." I picked her up and this time, thankfully, she didn't fight me. I climbed into the back seat with her as Emmett hooked a U-turn. The car was quiet as we drove home; Bella's tears the only sound to echo throughout the car. We pulled up to the house and Emmett called everyone to let them know we'd found her, while I brought Bella upstairs. Alice helped me get her changed and I sat there with her for a few minutes before she spoke.

"Jake gave you that shiner, didn't he?"

"Yeah, I may have mouthed off to him about you. He wasn't too happy to have me call him out for the shit he pulled with you. He took advantage of you, even if he didn't force you…he was a dick and I let him know that I wasn't going to let him keep bothering you."

"I hurt you, even when I'm not anywhere near you. I'm no good, Edward, the sooner you see that, the better."

Bella rolled over and fell asleep right after she made that remark, but I sat there and watched her sleep for a little while before I waited downstairs for my parents to get home.

The slam of the car doors let me know that my parents were here, so I got up to let them in, but the door opened before I got to it.

My dad was surprised to see me standing there as he stepped inside and over to where I was. "Edward, you didn't have to wait down here, I would have found you. Is your eye bothering you?"

I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders. "My eye's fine, but it's not why I'm down here. We need to talk."


	5. A Whispered Plea

**Sorry this is a little late, but I got some very good news this week from a friend so the celebration meant I wasn't near my laptop yesterday. This chapter has a tissue warning, not to mention heartfail and gore…there's self-injury at the end, but it isn't too graphic. Thanks for all the love and support. To mizzdee, tkegl, and burntcore…team AGW wouldn't be the same without you and I love you for the hard work you put into this baby.**

**Also, I'm donating to the Fandom for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, but really have no clue what to write at the moment. If there is something you'd like expanded, or an outtake of a fic that you want to see, PM me and I'll add it to a list to see what everyone wants to hear. More details in future posts.**

Chapter 5 – A Whispered Plea

My parents were looking at me; the tension in the room was thick until my father finally decided to break it. "What's the problem, Edward? Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"It is. It's Bella."

My mother's eyes widened in concern. "Bella? What's wrong? Is she sick? Upset?"

"Esme," my father spoke, calming the endless stream of questions. "Continue, son."

"I knew Bella was upset when I got home, I mean who wouldn't be with everything she's gone through. But it's more than that. She's been acting reckless and pulling away, tonight she ran off and walked out to where Charlie was killed." I took a breath, hating that I had to tell them what happened the last few hours. "Emmett came to help me look for her and we got her home, but she said something while we were out there…" I took another deep breath, trying to find a way to speak the words. "She said that she wished she was dead, that we'd be better off without her."

"Oh, my word! Oh, Carlisle, how could we have missed it?"

"She's been hiding it really well, it's just that I've caught some things that didn't seem too huge, but they're a pattern. I'm afraid she's going to do something that we can't save her from." I looked down and tried to hold it together. Bella was going to be pissed at me, but I'd take her fury if it meant she was alive to dish it out.

"Okay," my father said, taking control of the situation. "I'm going to talk to her and get her in to see the colleague I had dinner with tonight. I thought that if we kept it informal we could help her through it, but if it is as bad as it seems, then we'll have to get her into the office and face this. We owe it to her." His eyes softened slightly. "Thank you, Edward, for telling me this; I know it must have been difficult for you."

"I'll survive. Anyway, I've got some homework to work on, so I'll see you in the morning." I went upstairs to finish up and then tried to sleep, but it didn't come easy.

When I woke up the next morning, Bella wasn't too mad with me, so I asked her to ride with me, and she actually agreed. The first part of the ride was quiet, but as we crossed the bridge over the river, she spoke. "I'm sorry about last night."

"You really scared me. If you need to talk, then tell me, or Alice; whoever you're comfortable with."

"What would I tell them?" Her eyes were focused out the window, her voice sounded so distant.

"Anything, everything…shit, Bella, whatever you want."

"Don't tell your parents, okay?"

Fuck my life. "Bella…"

"I know, I'm asking a lot, but please? I don't think I could take those looks from them."

I didn't say anything, hoping that we could be civil for a while longer. We pulled up to the school and Jake looked pissed to see Bella get out of my car and stick close by me as we met up with the gang and head into class.

"How are you doing today, Bella?" Alice asked, as we walked inside.

"Better, I'm sorry you guys all had to ruin your evening for me."

"We'd do it anytime for you, Bells." Emmett pulled her in for a hug.

Jasper looked at me and gestured to my face. "Edward, what the hell happened to your eye?"

Bella cringed at the mention of the black eye, but I'd almost forgotten about it with everything else. "Ran into a brick wall."

"Really, I didn't know you went to La Push to visit Jackass Black?" Rosalie asked, shooting daggers at him as he walked about fifteen feet behind us.

I looked at her, surprised, "How did you know?"

She smiled. "You're not a fighter, so there's only one person you would fight for, and only one person to fight with."

"I went to La Push to finish that drawing, but never did get it done. I have pictures though so I'll manage." We'd made it to Emmett and my first period Chemistry class. Bella kept going with Jasper and the girls to history while Jake stood in the doorway for a while, watching her turn the corner.

I made it through lunch and to my English class with Bella, happy that Jake wasn't in this class. "Bella, I have to tell you something, but I didn't want to tell you this morning because you seemed on edge."

"What's going on, Edward?"

"I told my parents last night that I was worried about you."

Her gasp and quick movement had me ducking like she was going to hit me. "You what?"

"I didn't tell them about the drinking or anything, just about you going out to where…you know, where you were last night. I have a feeling my dad's going to be there when we get home, so I wanted to warn you."

"And make sure I came home. That's why you offered to drive me, isn't it?" Her accusation stung, but I just shrugged it off.

"No, I thought we might be able to talk. I miss not being able to talk like we used to."

"Everything's changed, Edward. It's impossible to go back."

"Not us?" I couldn't believe that.

"Especially us, I'm not that person anymore. She died the day we buried Charlie."

Just then, Mr. Grover called the class to order and I couldn't respond, so I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away and used it to hold her chin, her hair falling like a curtain, cutting me off from her.

The rest of the afternoon went by and by the time I was done with Spanish; Bella was coming out of the gym. "What, were you afraid I was going to ditch you?"

"No. I just got out early so I walked over. Don't be mad at me, I did it because I was scared."

She shrugged as we walked over to the car. "There's nothing we can do about it now, so we'll just have to get it over with." She opened the passenger door and I ran around to my side, sliding in and making a point of taking her hand before I started the car.

"I'm here for you, always."

The drive home was shorter than either of us would have liked, and my dad's car being home was a confirmation of that. We walked up the steps and I opened the door, letting Bella go in before me. My dad was waiting for us, and he had on the Dr. Cullen façade.

"Carlisle?"

"Bella, I should have done something sooner, but I didn't know how bad you were taking this. I'm sorry for not being aware of what was happening." My dad's eyes shifted to the ceiling, as if he was looking for help with this situation. "I've made you an appointment with a colleague for this afternoon, in Port Angeles. That way no one in Forks will have to know about it."

"We're leaving now?" Bella took a step back and I grabbed her hand, knowing it may offer her some comfort.

"I understand that it's sudden, but it's just an introduction. You'll meet her and she'll talk to you so that she'll know how best to proceed and more importantly, to see that you like her. We should get going if we're going to make the appointment."

Bella nodded, but said nothing as she walked out with my dad. I went upstairs to do my homework and wait for her to return, hoping she wouldn't be too mad. My mom came home around five thirty and checked on me, but by that time, I was done with my homework and had moved up into the studio.

"How did she take the news?" She asked.

"She got quiet, which isn't how Bella normally is with me. Yeah, she's shy around most people, but we always talked, but not now."

"I'm sure she'll come around. Bella just needs someone to tell her that what she's feeling is all right, and help her find healthy ways to express it. Just be patient with her." My mom looked around the room and then stepped in front of the painting that was on an easel across the room. "When is your work going to be ready at the framers?"

"They called me yesterday; I can pick it up any time."

"I'll be in Seattle tomorrow meeting with a new client; would you like me to pick up everything?"

I nodded as I continued to work on the oil painting in front of me. "Thanks, they also have my two portfolios for the slides; there should be thirty pieces between the portfolios and the framed pieces."

"Okay," was all she said as she came around to kiss my forehead, but I heard her gasp when she finally saw the subject of my painting. "Oh, Edward."

"I know, Mom. I'm working on it."

The house was quiet until my Dad's car pulled up around seven o'clock. I'm sure they went to dinner, and I was on a roll, so I didn't come down. The door creaked open and Bella came in, holding a bag from McDonald's. "Your mom said you hadn't come down for dinner, so we got you a Big Mac, no pickles."

"Thanks, how was it?"

"She was nice. I'm going once a week, Thursdays. She said we'd do an hour to start, and then work up to more if I needed it. So I go back in two days."

"At least you like her. That's something, right?"

"I guess." She toed the carpet for a minute before looking back at me. "I'm going to head down and work on my homework. Don't need to get behind on the second day of school."

She turned to go and I called out before I could stop myself, "Hey, Bella." She peeked at me from over her shoulder and I couldn't ask her what was originally on my mind. "The English reading is easy. It'll only take you thirty minutes to do the response."

"Thanks," she said on her way downstairs. I continued to work on the small canvas, leaving the last of it until after the oil had dried so it wouldn't disturb what I'd already accomplished. With my brushes cleaned, and everything put away, I went downstairs to watch some TV before bed.

Three sharp bangs woke me the following morning, which meant that Bella was actually up before I was. Getting dressed quickly, I grabbed some cereal and I went out to see Bella sitting in her truck, trying to start it.

"Come on…dammit, start!"

"Bella." My voice startled her as she banged her head against the steering wheel.

"It's dead."

"Are you sure, maybe she just needs a jump? We'll give it a try when we get home this afternoon."

She shook her head and got out of the cab. "No, it did this once before, but my…Charlie told me that it was only a temporary fix, and that the next time he'd buy me another car because it would be too expensive to repair it."

"I'm sorry."

"It's just a car," she said. "Will you give me a ride?"

"Of course." I gestured for her to walk ahead of me and then opened her door.

The grind of being back at school was in full swing, but I found myself more focused on Bella. She was pulling into herself even more than usual, and it had me worried. It felt like the day sped by, only to come to a screeching halt on the ride home. There was no conversation, no radio. The only sound in the car was the swishing of the windshield wipers as they fought against the rain.

Once we got home, Bella went straight into her room and I went to my studio to finish the painting I'd started yesterday. I could hear her music from the third floor, but I ignored it until the album started to repeat. I couldn't listen to that album again. Going to her room to ask her to turn down the volume, I was surprised to find the door locked. I banged on the door and called out, hoping she'd hear me over the music.

"Bella! Can you turn that down?"

I didn't hear a response, so I went into my room to get my Swiss Army knife. I'd locked myself into my room enough as a child to know that my mom used a butter knife to push the latch in so the door would open. Carefully pushing the latch flush with the door, I pulled the knob and walked in the room.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

Bella was curled in the corner, clutching her left arm to her, her face was pale and her clothes were bloody. I didn't know a lot about medicine, but I knew what a lot of blood was.

Running to her, I pulled off my belt and tied a tourniquet, grateful that my dad had taught me some first aid, before I held her face in my hands.

"Bella, I have to get you to the hospital. I'll be right back; I just need to get my keys."

She barely nodded, and I sprinted across the hall grabbing my wallet and keys before making it back to her room.

I lifted her up into my arms and made my way downstairs as quickly as possible, while not jostling Bella. I somehow managed to open the front door and pulled it closed with my foot and then got the passenger door open. I sat Bella in the seat and buckled her in, and then ran around to my side and pulled out of our driveway.

Taking out my phone, I dialed my dad's cell and he answered on the second ring.

"Son?"

"Dad, I'll be at the hospital in about five minutes. Bella slit her wrist and it's bad." I took a breath and that was all the pause my dad needed to jump in.

"Was there a lot of blood? Were you able to stop the bleeding?"

"Yes. She seems out of it, but I was able to get it stopped with my belt. Just be ready when I get there…" My breath escaped me in a wavering sob as I tried to speak. "She can't die, Dad."

"Edward, you just get her here. We'll handle the rest."

The line disconnected and I pushed my foot down a little further, with only one phrase running on a loop through my mind.

_Please, don't leave me._

***Takes snack with me to my rock* I know, it is bad. But I have my method. Next update will be on Friday. Have a great week and please leave a review to let me know what you're thinking.**


	6. Test of Wills

**Thank you all for not hunting me down, I promise that Bella will be working her way back to a healthy life and Edward in a timely manner, but there is some growing that needs to happen first. I'm not going to run on here, so love to team AGW for their hard work and the WC ladies for being a sounding board. **

Chapter 6 – Test of Wills

I pulled into the ER, the passenger door was immediately opened, and Bella was out of the car. Someone pulled me out, thinking I was injured from all the blood on my clothes, but I kept telling them that I was fine…the blood wasn't mine.

My father appeared for a moment, grabbing me by the shoulders and asking me exactly what I remembered, what I'd seen. Were there pills around? An odd smell to the room? Did anything set me off to what she did before I found her? I shook my head. The only thing I could remember was the loud music and the blood.

He told me to sit in his office and he'd find me as soon as he knew something. I had an idea of what he was doing. When our dog, Fang, got out and was hit by a car on the highway when I was nine, my dad made me wait with the animals that were up for adoption while she was looked at. This was the same thing; he didn't want me in the room if she died. This meant he thought it was a real possibility.

I walked to his office and sat in one of the seats in front of his desk. While staring at the floor, I started to cry. I had no idea how long I was in there, but the first thing that broke through my haze was the sound of my mom's voice.

"Edward? Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

"She's dead, isn't she?"

"What? No!" My mother's hands grabbed my face and forced me to look at her. "Edward, she's okay. Your dad sent me to find you. She's sedated, but you can go see her. We'll have to go home soon, but you can check on her first."

I nodded and got up, silently shuffling down to her room and opening the door. She was asleep, her features peaceful and her arm was stretched out to her side, bandaged from wrist to elbow. I almost got sick thinking about it, so I pushed past the thought and walked to the side of her bed. Leaning in, I kissed her forehead and stepped away, too overcome with the day to be in the room any longer. There was too much peace displayed on her face to be reassuring, because she wasn't at peace. My Bella was hurting. So much so that she tried to kill herself. My being upstairs wasn't even an issue.

"I'll wait outside," I whispered as I walked to the door, trying desperately to hold it together. My mother was a few minutes longer when I heard her gasp; the sound almost sent me running back inside.

The sound that stopped me just as I'd opened the door was Bella's voice questioning her. "What? Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital, Bella. You nearly died tonight. If Edward hadn't been home-"

"Edward? He found me?" The shock was evident in her voice. Did she not realize I was home?

"Yes, dear. He's right outside, let me just go and get him-"

"Esme, wait! Don't…I can't talk to him right now. I'm not even sure I could look at him."

My mother's voice got softer as she walked back to sit on the edge of the bed. "What do you mean? Did something happen between you too?"

"No, it's nothing like that…it's just that it's really painful for me to be around Edward. He just represents too many things that are gone-things that I can't get back or undo-and it hurts to look at someone who was central to a life that died with Charlie. I can't go back to being that person."

"Sweetie-"

That sentence was cut off by my father clearing his throat. I moved away from the door before they turned to see him and a woman I assumed was Bella's new therapist by the look my father leveled my way. A minute later, my mom stepped out of the room and confirmed my suspicion. "Your dad needs to stay a bit longer with Bella and Dr. Hyde. Let's get you home and changed."

I looked down, not even aware of the fact that I was still covered in Bella's blood. My mom drove home ahead of me and when I got home I went straight upstairs and showered. I tried to go to sleep, but there were just too many things running through my head. I was lying so close to where Bella had…

I decided to run up to my studio and see if I could relax up there, but I was overcome with a new thought as I looked at the empty easels and the rack filled with my artwork. That was the problem. My art had become more important than the people around me, more important than Bella. When Charlie died, I stayed away playing with my paints instead of being there for the most important person to me. While she was downstairs, putting a knife to her flesh, I was finishing up the painting of a wilted carnation. A painting that so perfectly represented Bella. A flower that nearly shriveled out of neglect tonight.

Enraged at myself, I picked up the closest easel and threw it, hitting the wall and cracking. From there, I flung everything that was easy to lift, stools, little tables, the two remaining easels, until finally, the last one crashed through the window that led out onto the roof. I fell to the floor, overcome with the weight of things I couldn't even begin to comprehend, as the pounding of footsteps echoed up the stairs. My mother was beside me in an instant, wrapping my shuddering body in her arms and rocking me as I cried.

"Shh. It's okay."

"No, mom, this isn't okay!" I yelled, surprising us both. "This is so far from okay, it isn't even in the same state!"

"Edward, you're scaring me." My mother's face wasn't the calm mask she wore when she tried to reassure me, this was really her.

"Well, I'm glad I'm not alone, because I'm fucking terrified."

There was no chastisement for my language, just some more gentle reassurance, which I was too drained to fight, so I took it, until my consciousness faded.

Screaming was the last thing I needed or wanted to wake up to, but it seemed I wasn't going to get a choice in the matter. Making my way down two flights of stairs, I was now front row to the fight of the century between my parents and Bella's mom, her stepfather close behind.

"What do you mean I can't see her? She's my daughter, Carlisle, and you can't keep me from her!" Renee stood with her hands on her hips, obviously having just gotten into town from Florida.

My father bristled as he tried to explain everything to Renee. "It's not me keeping you from her. After any type of self-injury like Bella inflicted, the patient is held for 72 hours of observation. No one, other than her doctors, are allowed to see her. You'll have to wait a few days for them to finish the evaluation and make a decision about her care."

"What does that mean?" Renee asked.

"If they think she's a danger to herself, she can be involuntarily committed until they no longer believe she poses a threat, or if we feel that she should stay in the hospital we could commit her."

That got Renee pissed off. "I refuse to let you institutionalize my daughter!"

This time, it was my mother that jumped in. "You gave up that right when you signed away your parental rights so she could stay in Washington."

"I could fight you to have it reversed," she threatened, and I lost my patience.

"The court made that decision for a reason, Renee," I spat. "Your role as a parent was a check every month and a card at Christmas and Bella's birthday. You jumped at the chance to have Bella stay here and now when times get rough, you want to pull her away from the only support system she has left to live with the mother that was more interested in her new husband than her only child!"

I felt the sting as Renee's hand collided with my face. "You little bastard!"

"If you try and fight my parents, I'll have you charged with assaulting a minor. Now get out, and don't you _ever_ talk to my parents like that again." I kept my tone as even as possible as I walked over to the door and held it open for emphasis, watching as they both walked out of it.

"Edward, how are you-" I cut off my mom as soon as I heard the car fade into the distance.

"I'm going out for a bit, I need to think."


	7. Space to Think

**Team AGW gets tons of love on this chapter…burntcore, tkegl & mizzdee worked their magic. Chapter 8 is about to go to my pre-readers, chapter 9 is half done and I'm working on some more tomorrow, so I should be able to get a little cushion built back, plus I finally have the outline finalized so we're in good shape. Now I just need the words to come. I promise I will be posting to my other stories as soon as I'm able, but if you were around last summer, you remember I got clobbered with work and RL…and this year seems to be a repeat. I'm hoping cooler weather and cooler heads will prevail all around. Here's something with a little less in the heartfail dept…not much, but some.**

Chapter 7 – Space to Think

I drove to the diner and sat at the counter, my foot tapping on the footrest of the stool. My phone was sitting on the counter, but I didn't know whom to call. Who would I be able to trust with this? And who could help me work through it? I looked up from the screen to see Dee smiling at me, a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Rough morning?" she asked as I reached for the sugar.

"Rough month," I responded and then met her eyes, glad there wasn't any judgment held in them.

"Well, I'm here if you need me, and if you need to chat. It's not the same since the Chief passed. No one comes in to chew the fat anymore."

"You talked with Charlie a lot?" I'd known Dee from a distance most of my life, but she was a central part of the town, she'd been at the Forks Diner for decades and everyone knew her.

"Oh yes. Your name came up quite a bit. How's that girl of his?"

"I don't know. That's part of the problem." Before I could continue, my phone rang and I answered it, glad to hear Emmett's voice on the other end.

"Is it true?"

"I can't talk about it here. Do you want something from the diner?"

"Tell Dee I'll take my usual. Come by the house as soon as you can."

"Sure, see you later." Dee walked past and I flagged her over. "Dee, I need a cheese omelet with bacon and toast and Emmett's usual to go."

"You want hash browns with yours?" She smiled as I nodded. "Okay, give me a few minutes, darlin', and I'll get you out of here and on your way."

It took about ten minutes before Dee was handing me a bag of food. "Thanks, Dee."

"I meant it, hon. If you need to talk, my coffee pot is always full."

I laughed at the comment, but thanked her and headed to Emmett's. He was sitting on his porch with a cup of coffee in his hand as I got out of the car.

"My parents are gone for the morning, so we're alone for a while. Let's go inside and talk."

I followed Emmett into his kitchen and we sat down with our breakfast, eating in silence for a few minutes before I spoke. "How did you hear about it?"

"Half the town knows, but my father got a call from your dad this morning after Renee's visit. He wanted to make sure she couldn't run off with Bella." Emmett looked up and then back at his food. "I caught the end of it and all he told me was that she's in the hospital. But no one knows why she's there."

"She tried to kill herself," I whispered as I pushed away from the table. "I was the one that found her."

"What? How is she?"

"I don't know; she won't talk to me." We were quiet for a long moment before I continued. "Being around me is too painful. I heard her say that to my mom yesterday. Would I…could I crash here for a while?"

"Let me check with my parents, but I'm sure they'll be okay with it."

Emmett pulled out his phone and called his father, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I wasn't sure what I was doing, and I knew all of this would upset my parents, but I couldn't push Bella anymore. I would give her what she needed.

"So they're cool, said you can stay here as long as you need." Emmett startled me out of my thoughts and I was grateful that something was going my way.

"Thanks, I'm gonna head home and get my stuff." I looked over at where he was leaning against the door frame, stewing about what I'd told him. "You want to do something when I get back?"

"Sure, you and I can chill in the basement. The whole floor is mine and I have it decked out into the ultimate man cave."

The thought of Emmett McCarty's idea of a 'man cave' was probably damn more manly than one I'd ever dream up, but I'd get used to it. It was time I hung out with some guys.

I came home to an empty house, so I set to work getting things together. I found the painting I'd asked the framers to gift wrap and the black swan figurine and put them on the hutch in the living room, knowing my mother would put them with their gift for her. My clothes were packed up and I had my laptop and Kindle in my messenger bag. I grabbed my toiletries and a few other things I'd need when I saw my sketchpad.

I rarely went anywhere without it, but after last night I couldn't bring myself to even open it. Heaving a sigh, I left it behind as I carried my bags down to the car. As I closed the trunk, my mother pulled in and got out of her car, making her way over to me.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to stay with Emmett for a little while."

"Why?"

I groaned, not wanting to admit to what I overheard last night, but unable to lie to her. "I heard you and Bella last night, Mom. If my being around makes her life harder, then I'll crash at Emmett's until she's in a little better mind. I can't even sleep in here because all I can think about is what happened in her room." My eyes finally met hers and it hurt to see her crying. "I need some space from everything. I'm sorry, Mom."

She took my face in her hands and looked directly into my eyes, as if it might be the last time she saw me. "You'll call me, every day?"

"I will. I love you, Mom." I pulled her close and hugged her to my chest. I hated that I was making her cry, but in the end, all of us would be better off if Bella was healthy again. And this was the only way left that I could help her.

"I love you too, son."

-,-`-

The first few days living with the McCartys felt weird, but Emmett made it interesting. News was out concerning Bella and my first couple of days in school were tough. Saturday was the end of the 72-hour observation period, and Bella was discharged from the hospital. Dr. Hyde was convinced that while Bella did inflict bodily harm with the intention of doing so, she hadn't meant to kill herself. That meant that with a more intense schedule of therapy, she could return to school in another week or so.

Renee was on a plane twelve hours after Bella was released, which wasn't surprising, but I was just happy that she wasn't considering fighting my parents anymore, or hanging around to piss Bella off like she normally did.

I was grateful that Bella was out, and that she got the small break from school. Alice volunteered to drop off her work so she wouldn't fall behind and Emmett worked to keep me busy. He'd decided after my poor showing with Jake that I needed to learn how to defend myself, and bulk up a little. He had a bunch of gym equipment in his man cave, and we went on long runs to build up my endurance.

While I thought he was crazy, keeping up with him wasn't that hard and I'd even started to enjoy it. The weights would start to give me some more muscles, which I'd need after the death stares I was getting from Black.

Today was September 13th, the hardest day by far for me to be away from Bella. It was her 17th birthday, and I didn't even know when I would see her. My only plans for that weekend were to work out with Emmett and until Bella wanted to see me, I wasn't going to push. My mom had called this morning and said that Bella's Thursday therapy session had been emotional, but she was doing better and actually spent some time talking with my mom when she got home.

Emmett told me to quit being a bitch and go home, but I couldn't get her words out of my head. Sighing, he left to pick up some food as his parents were out of town on another business trip. I was working on my new strength training exercises when there was a soft knock on the basement door. Knowing it wasn't Emmett, I assumed Rosalie was coming by to hang out with him and he'd forgotten to call her. I got up to let her in, and was stunned by who I saw standing there.

"Bella?"

"Hey," she whispered.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, not moving from the doorway.

"I could ask you the same thing," she said, rolling her eyes. "Can I come in?"

I stepped out of the way and let her walk in. "Happy Birthday," I said lamely as she leaned against the couch that sat in the middle of the room.

"Thanks, I got your presents." She looked around the room before finally making eye contact. "I would have preferred if you had been there to give them to me."

"I just wanted to give you some space."

"Why?" Her question came out fast, like she'd been waiting to ask it since she arrived.

"Bella, I…I heard you. That night. You were talking to my mom and you said it was painful to be around me, and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you, so I packed my things and came to stay with Emmett."

"Edward," Bella started and then stopped, seeming to collect herself and choose her words carefully. "I was drugged up and a mess that night. You have to take anything that came out of my mouth with a grain of salt. I couldn't stop seeing your face in my mind when you found me…God, you looked like someone stabbed you in the heart." She paused for a second before continuing. "I never want to cause you that kind of pain and I was trying to punish myself for what I did to everyone. But I'm only hurting everyone else. Edward, your mom-"

"Will survive," I interrupted, "it won't be forever."

"No, it won't because you're coming home tonight."

Bella grabbed my hand but I didn't budge, as a hiss escaped her mouth and we both looked to see she'd grabbed me with her left hand. "Can I see it?"

Bella only nodded as I pulled up the sleeve to reveal the large bandage covering most of her arm. "I have to keep it bandaged up because of the weather. Carlisle's afraid it will get infected and I still have almost another week before they come out. Then I can go back to school on Thursday."

"_You _really want me to come home?" I asked again and she smiled, knowing that she was about to get what she had asked for.

"It's the only thing I really want for my birthday."

"I'll start packing and then stick around to eat with Emmett. I'll meet you at home?"

"Would you mind if I hung out? Esme drove me because I don't have a car, so I told her I'd get a ride home from you."

I laughed at her confidence in getting me to do what she wanted. "Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"I just know you'll do anything to make me happy." She smiled wistfully, her eye flashed up to meet mine again. "My hero."

My chest tightened at that memory and I tried to play it off. "Bella, I wouldn't go that fa-"

"Bullshit. Things have gotten a lot worse than a ruined crayon and yet you still manage to save the day…" She paused and took a deep breath. "To save me."


	8. Under the Microscope

**Not going to run long tonight, thanks to my girls and love to all of you who have been reviewing. I'm getting thru the reviews I have backlogged, so you will hear from me, it's just slow going right now with work and trying to wrap up some older fics and keeping ahead of this. Lastly, I'm submitting a second-shot from "Bridging the Gap" called "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" for F4LLS. I have the info to my ffn profile, so you can check it out there. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 8 – Under the Microscope

Saturday morning started with a sharp knock on my door, making me wonder why Emmett was knocking when he could just throw a pillow, like he normally did. I opened my eyes to realize I was back home and the knock was coming from someone else.

"Edward? Are you awake?" Bella's voice got my attention and I got out of bed.

"Just a minute." I stumbled around my room getting dressed before I finally opened my door. "Is everything okay?" I asked, still trying to shake the sleep from my mind.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just I know you were going for a run with Emmett later today and I was hoping you'd come with me to go car shopping. I can't buy anything, but at least I can go on a few test drives."

"Sure. But we're a couple of kids, I'm not even sure they'd let us take a car out."

"Carlisle called and explained to them that we'd be looking and that if I found something I liked that he'd contact them about signing the paperwork. There are a few dealerships that know we're coming, he won't let me buy anything expensive."

"Well that sucks, I was hoping you'd let me try an Aston Martin."

Bella laughed and I couldn't help but smile at the sound. "I don't think my inheritance and the insurance money would pay for the hub caps on that car. I'll have enough for school, the car and some startup money after graduation, if I'm lucky."

I nodded, not really knowing what to say to her first reference to Charlie after everything, so we just headed downstairs. After breakfast, we got in my Volvo and headed out.

Over the next few hours, Bella and I visited Toyota, Honda, Ford and Chevy dealers, trying out a few cars, with me behind the wheel because of her wrist. She even feigned interest in the Mustang and Corvette so I could test-drive them, and if sitting next to Bella in those cars wasn't the hottest fucking thing I'd ever experienced, I don't know what was. In the end, she was a Chevy girl, just like Charlie, and picked the Chevy Cruze, going with the dark blue paint job.

While she talked details with my dad, I went for a run with Emmett through the trails around our house. It was a harder trip than the runs we had been going on, but I was really excited about how quickly I was able to keep pace with him. Getting a chance to talk to Emmett on these runs was great too, because as much as he was built like a brick shit house, he was quick as anything and always had a great idea for whatever your problem was.

The next few days were odd because when I left for school in the morning, Bella wasn't going with me. She'd be returning on Thursday, and I was really worried for her, because this town was chomping at the bit to get a glimpse of her out and about.

Stupid fucking nosey people.

*WC*

Emmett and Jasper got their girls to meet us after school on Wednesday to plan out our strategy. There were sixty people in our grade now with the kids from the Rez, so there were three different classes going on at any one time for seniors. We were lucky that Bella had at least one of us in every class so we could run interference. My biggest concern was Jake. He'd been circling like her return would mean that she'd finally start talking to him again … fat chance, mutt.

When I got home after the strategy meeting, Bella was sitting on the stairs that led to the third floor.

"Where were you?" she asked as she stood up, but stayed by the far wall.

"Stopped by Jasper's place, we were talking about some stuff."

"Like, _me_…stuff?"

"Yeah, people are way too curious about what's going to happen when you come back. We wanted to make sure that we had you covered so no one could give you shit," I told her, closing some of the distance.

"Thanks." I watched as her eyes flashed upstairs and then back to mine. "I got home and couldn't find you so I assumed you were upstairs, but … what happened up there?"

"It's nothing," I muttered.

"Esme said you haven't been up there since the night I … you know. Is that true?"

"I don't see a point to it anymore." I shrugged. It was the truth; I'd given up on that dream.

"Don't see a point?" Her expression was pure exasperation as she walked past me. "Come with me."

I followed her into her bedroom -which I hadn't gone in since that night either- and watched as she started waving her arms at her walls, which were decorated with several pieces of my artwork.

"Edward, how can you look at these and say you don't see a point to it anymore? You're talented and I'm not going to let you throw that away."

"Bella, I was in Europe when Charlie died and I stayed instead of coming home, and two weeks ago, I was upstairs working on a painting and almost painted through your final moments. You're more important to me than this stuff!" I yelled, not able to hold in my frustration with myself any longer.

"Edward, whether or not you came home, or had been upstairs or in your room, it wouldn't have made a difference. I wasn't thinking clearly, I'm still not most of the time … but the difference is now I know when to ask for help." She ran her hand through her hair and then continued, "I'm not internalizing things as much and I've stopped putting myself in dangerous situations. I don't even have a normal razor anymore or any scissors that those aren't safety ones for kids because I don't want the temptation. I've cut myself too many-"

"You did it before?" That admission shocked me as the breath whooshed out of me.

"Never like that, but small cuts."

"Why?" I didn't understand how she could do it to herself.

"Sometimes it was because I was in so much pain it felt like the only way to let it out … others, I just felt so numb, I needed to feel something." Her eyes were glued to the carpet and I couldn't watch her punish herself for things that had already happened.

"I'll make you a deal, you agree to talk to me when you start getting upset, or things get to be too much, and I won't drop the figure drawing class I signed up for to help with my portfolio for college," I offered, hoping she'd take it.

"What if I promise to talk to someone?" she asked. "There are some things that are still too tough for me to tell you."

"That's fair," I told her. "I've got some homework to do, so I'll see you at dinner."

I walked out of her room when she called after me. "Edward, I have some homework to do too before I go back tomorrow. Think we could do it together?"

I smiled, happy to have something normal back in our lives. "Sure, let's hang out in my room."

*WC*

The next morning, Bella was dressed for school, but she looked anything but ready. We drove slowly and pulled into the lot, parking between Emmett and Jasper. Together we walked into the school and stopped by the lockers, every eye on us.

Emmett, Bella and I went into our first class, hoping that her being back would get old and they'd focus on something else, but no such luck.

All day the whispers grew worse and the stares more blatant, but I had never expected what I heard when I was waiting outside the gym.

"You're just a spoiled little bitch that has every guy in this town ready to fall over themselves to help you," Leah yelled.

"Shut the hell up, Leah. You don't have a clue what you're talking about," Bella screamed back.

"Really? So your dad died, I know what that's like. The only difference is losing my dad didn't turn me into a slut. But I guess you're more like your mother than Charlie." Leah spat at Bella and I turned to see Coach Clapp running towards the girls' locker room.

"No, but Sam dumping you for Emily did turn you into a bitch," Bella retorted, just as her and Leah's screams began again.

Coach Clapp banged on the door twice, telling the girls that he was coming in and then opened the door, dragging Leah out, leaving me to grab Bella.

"Cullen, bring her to the office. This is being handled today," Coach Clapp called out to us.

We got our bags and Bella and I walked through the hall to the principal's office. The girls and Coach went right in while I waited outside; really hoping they weren't going to suspend her or something. We were about to start looking at colleges, and the last thing Bella needed was to miss any more class.

Finally, the door opened and Leah stormed out. Bella walked out slowly behind her.

"What did he say?" I asked, worried about her punishment.

"Principal Green said that I've been through enough, and that he isn't going to punish me this time. If I get into another fight, I'll be suspended." Bella and I walked out of the office and towards my car. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, Jake walked over from where he stood next to Leah and Seth.

"Hey Bella, I-" Jake started, but Bella cut him right off.

"Jake, of all the things I don't need today, you're at the top of that list."

"What are you talking about?" Jake whined.

"I have enough going on without your friend, or fuck buddy, or whatever Leah is to you, getting in my face," Bella growled. "And you have to stop pushing me. I don't want to talk to you. I don't know if I will ever want to talk to you again." I could see her starting to curl in on herself. The fire was starting to die out and if he kept pushing, she'd lose the ground gained by her outburst.

"Come on, Bella, we have to meet my parents," I said, steering her towards the car.

Bella got in and we drove off, the ride to Port Angeles giving us both time to think. While she was in her therapy session, I went to the art store and got some of the basic stuff I was running low on, as well as three new easels to replace the ones I'd broken. The hour passed quickly enough and soon we were driving back.

The silence was even more pronounced after her session, but I wasn't going to ask questions. She said that she would be open with me. I had to trust her.

Dinner passed with polite conversation and then we went our separate ways for the night. I finished up a little homework and climbed into bed when the knock came at my door.

"Edward, are you awake?" Bella whispered.

"Yeah, B, come in."

The door opened and closed, her body silhouetted by the hall light until we were both plunged into the darkness again. Bella started, "I … well, would you …"

"What's up?" I urged.

She took a deep breath and her words flooded out. "I keep thinking about the things that came up in therapy today and I wanted to know if I could sleep in here with you."

I sat there, stunned silent, and after a long moment she continued. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even asked. I understand you not wanting to with everything that's-"

I threw open my blanket, which seemed to halt her train of thought. "Climb in; hopefully we can still do this like old times, right?"

Bella nodded as she walked over and sat down next to me on the bed, "I'd like to try."

We moved around until we were comfortable, her head resting on my extra pillow, our faces inches apart.

"Night, Bella," I whispered.

"Goodnight, Edward."


	9. Future Plans

**A quick post between storm prep…if you're in the path of Irene, stay safe! If not, enjoy the last days of summer! Love to team AGW for all their hard work.**

Chapter 9 – Future Plans

Bella and I spent the week talking as we used to, and there were moments it was really like nothing had changed. But then, a nightmare would happen, or she'd come across something that would remind her of Charlie, or Jake, or the choices she'd made in the months that followed her father's death.

Thankfully, she was discussing it with me and my parents, plus she'd go over to Alice's or Rosalie's and have some girl time, which was not a huge part of her old routine, but definitely seemed to help.

The guidance counselor was starting to push for us to begin the application process, but as I sat with nearly a dozen applications in front of me, I wondered what Bella was thinking of doing.

"So, I got doubles of the application, and searched some of the other schools near the art schools that I looked at. I don't know what you were thinking about, but I wanted to be prepared."

Bella shifted and then looked at the colossal stack of applications sitting between us on the table. "Thanks, but I'm not going to need to apply anywhere else. With my grades and everything, I've got a good chance of getting into my first choice and I'm applying early decision."

"Where is it? I can check to see what there is around there for me to look at." I sifted through the applications but she didn't answer. "Oh God, you're going to Jacksonville, aren't you?"

The thought of having to see her mother on a regular basis was painful, but I would endure it for her.

"Hell no," Bella declared. "I'm going as far as I can from her, and it was only partially an accident." I waited for her to tell me, and she did…eventually. "It's the University of Alaska, Anchorage."

My jaw nearly hit the table, but I had to ask the question that was gnawing at me. "The University of where? Did you pick it just because it was so far away?"

"It's a perk, but it also has a great program for Education degrees. Plus they're out of state cost is a lot less than if I were to go somewhere with a comparable program."

"Okay, I'll go print out an application too, just give me a minute." I was halfway out of my seat when Bella stopped me.

"Wait, Edward…you don't have to do that." Her eyes were on her papers and she didn't continue.

"Bella, seriously, it isn't a big deal," I told her.

"Yes it is. I don't need you applying to the school I'm going to just to keep an eye on me." I wasn't doing it to check up on her, but I wasn't about to mention that now, because it would turn into a fight and we were getting along right now.

"Okay, I won't go print it out." That didn't mean I wouldn't apply, I would just have to tell her at the right time.

We both turned back to the papers spread out in front of us, not talking anymore about the deadlines that were starting to loom in front of us.

*WC*

On top of classes, college prep, and everything going on at home, one of the instructors from my summer program was a teacher at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, as well as teaching a bunch of classes for non-Institute students. He had sent me the paperwork after seeing the portfolio I'd submitted to get into the study abroad program, and I'd signed up. I hadn't thought of it until the packet arrived with an explanation of how I would be submitting my pieces for grading and critique.

As much as it had completely slipped my mind, I was happy to have a structured work plan, because I'd missed drawing the past few weeks.

The first thing I knew I would need was a model. That would pose a problem.

I looked online and found a bunch of sites that had non-pornographic nude photographs that you could download. This was something I would have to get my parents to okay, but it seemed like a good option. If I were to do it live, I would either need a model, or I'd have to pay to audit an art class closer to home. But that was kind of defeating the purpose.

Biting the bullet, I went downstairs to talk to my dad, knowing he was the easier sell. I knocked on his study door and walked in. He was seated behind his desk, but quickly walked around the desk to sit with me on the couch.

"Son, what can I do for you?"

"I need a favor, but I have a feeling I'm going to come off like some horny teenager," I said.

My dad laughed, which wasn't what I had expected. "Edward, it is normal for you to feel that way, but I think it's best if you waited until Bella's had a little more time to heal, both physically and emotionally."

"What? No, Dad, that's not what I me-" Flustered, I got off the couch and went to his desk, pulling up the site that seemed to have the most selection for the best price. "This is what I'm talking about."

My dad walked over and I tried not to laugh when his eyes bulged out of his head a little. "Edward, what is this?"

"It's a website that hosts photos and short videos of models for various artistic uses. I have my class and no one to model for me, so I was planning to use something like this. But I can't sign up, so I need you to do it for me."

"Well, at least it's tastefully done, so I can point that out when your mother is ready to string me up for this. But you'll be seeing it in the flesh next year, so why not start now?" He huffed out a laugh and reached into his wallet while he read the sites Terms of Use. "I'll forward you the username and password once I've read it over and signed up."

"Thanks Dad," I said, hopping out of the chair and heading back upstairs.

*WC*

Three days after my dad signed me up for the site; I logged in and found the picture I was going to use for my first assignment. It was a basic pose for me to start off with, so I took out my large sketchbook and began drawing. I got in the zone and didn't notice Bella had come in until she gasped.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to …" Bella trailed off as she tried to run from the room.

"Bella, wait," I called after her, and thankfully she listened. "It isn't what you think. The class I'm taking is out of state, so I have to find my own model. And so I'm trying to use these photographs to complete the assignments. There isn't anything even remotely sexual about this picture."

"Edward, she's naked and you're seventeen, everything about this should be sexual," Bella scoffed, and I asked her to come stand next to me for a second.

"See right here, the curve of her chest and how it mirrors the curve of her hip?" I took my pencil to show her what I meant and then turned to face her. "You have a similar shape, except it comes in a little too sharp here, from where you haven't been eating much since Charlie died. There's beauty in both of you, but it isn't something to be sexualized, it should be celebrated. That's how I see you."

Her blush flooded her cheeks as she looked around, craning her neck when she noticed something on the drying racks. I tried to look past her to see what it was that caught her eye, but then I saw the small canvas with the carnation painting that she had picked up. "It's so emotional, I'm not sure whose anguish this is, mine or yours, but it's clear."

"Bella, I-" I tried to explain, but she spun around, cutting me off.

"Do you mind? Or is this one you wanted to keep?" she asked, becoming suddenly shy for some reason.

"If you want it, it's yours, but I think you should know when I painted it." I hoped she wouldn't shut down after I told her.

"I know, your mom mentioned it to me," she whispered.

"Oh," was all I could say in response.

"Well, I'll let you get back to work. See you at dinner," she said, taking the painting with her as she made her way downstairs.

I took a deep breath and turned back to my work, glad that we'd survived that particular conversation.


	10. A Story to Tell

**Thanks to my beta, mizzdee and my pre-readers, tkegl and burntcore. After a week needed to get this chapter to where it had to be, I'm back. Short note tonight, I wanted to remind you that I'm participating in Fandom 4LLS, the info is on my profile if you'd like to donate, the piece is a second shot of my Belisle fic, "Bridging the Gap."**

**Also, as this weekend is the 10th anniversary of September 11th, I wanted to take a moment to say "stay safe" to those who are in areas that are under heightened security. It is hard to believe it has been that long...but the memory of that day will stay with me until the end of my days.**

**And now, more of our wounded flower and her tortured artist.**

Chapter 10 – A Story to Tell

Bella and I continued going to school, each making our own baby steps to the relationship we used to have. The way she had opened up and given me moments of her pain, finally allowing me to understand something I would likely never experience, was so important. In return, I told her about my trip, the places I'd seen, and things I'd done. She looked at my drawings and paintings from the trip, telling me how proud she was of me.

Classes continued, but the students seemed to have grown bored with watching Bella, so even there we were able to go back to normal. Jake wasn't coming anywhere near us, and Leah had switched to a different gym class so I wasn't breaking up any fights either. All in all, we had finally calmed down.

The one thing that Bella refused to do was apply to any school but theUniversityofAlaska, so I may have gotten a little creative. Bella had her college folder sitting out in the dining room when I came home from school on one of her therapy days, so I took the opportunity that presented itself.

I took the application toDePaulUniversityand carefully copied the information, and then grabbed the extra set of recommendation letters that I had saved from the trash when we were first filling out the applications together, and included them into the envelope I already had set. Mrs. Cope had given me the extra copy of Bella's transcript when I'd gone for mine, so the only thing I needed to do was copy Bella's signature and get her personal statement essay off her computer.

Running to her room while she was still out of the house, I found the file and saved it to my flash drive, not wanting her to see the file listed in her recent documents.

With everything I needed, I went upstairs, forged her signature, and printed the essay about Charlie's death. I couldn't read it, because that was a breach of her trust. I knew that I was being hypocritical, but this was about giving her another option, not gaining information that she wasn't ready for me to know.

The application was complete and sitting in my stack just as I heard the door open downstairs. I took the time to fill out the application for theUniversityofAlaskaand added it to the envelope filled with all the other required documents.

The stack of envelopes went into my bag for me to drop off at the post office tomorrow during my free period, and I headed downstairs to see how Bella was doing.

"Hey, Edward," Bella called from the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"What do you want for dinner?" She was looking in the fridge, moving things around without much enthusiasm.

"I don't know? Isn't my mom cooking something?" I asked, surprised that my mom wasn't home.

"No, she had a meeting so she told me we'd have to fend for ourselves. I just wish I'd gone grocery shopping on the way home, because now dinner's going to take forever." She sighed, closing the door and turning to look at me.

"Why don't we just go to the diner? Deehas been begging me to bring you around." I raised my eyebrow, hoping she'd say yes.

"Sure, but let's get going. That place gets crazy around six o'clock."

We grabbed our coats and got into Bella's new car. She didn't get to drive it often because I still drove us both to school, and it was fun to see her light up as she settled herself behind the wheel. The drive wasn't too long, and the moment we walked in,Deewas around the counter to hug us both.

"You two take a booth and I'll be over in a minute to see what you want,"Deecalled over her shoulder as she walked to the other side of the place to give someone their check.

Bella and I looked at the menu untilDeewas back, taking our orders and flitting around the diner to handle the crowd with ease.

"You come here a lot, don't you?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, I'm convinced that Dee and Emmett have something on the side, but she's cool. This place wouldn't be the same without her."

Bella smiled. "I know, Charlie used to tease her about making an honest man of him. I think he would have married her for the free berry cobbler alone."

"That's not funny, you two. The cobbler can't be bought with affection." Deewinked as she brought us our drinks, the crowd started to thin out for the lull before the dinner rush started.

As she sat our dinner in front of us, Bella grabbed her hand. "Dee, do you have a few minutes?"

"For you, Sugar, anything." Deegrabbed one of the seats from a nearby table and pulled it up at the end of ours.

"You knew my dad pretty well, right?" Bella whispered.

"Sure did, he spent a lot of time here over the years. Late nights, or breakfasts when he knew he'd missed seeing you off to school,"Deetold her.

"My dad wasn't a big talker, and he definitely didn't show his emotions often …" Bella trailed off, butDeewas able to jump in with what she needed.

"Bella, every other word your father said to me was about you. He was so proud of you that it was hard to get him off the subject once you came up. He always said you were the one thing he did right. For a man of so few words, many of them had everything to do with you."

Bella exhaled, her eyes closing. "Thank you,Dee."

"No problem, sweetie,"Deesaid, squeezing her hand. "Now I've got to take care of a few things, but it was nice talking to you kids."

"You too,Dee." I smiled as she got up.

Bella and I ate quietly and then I paid the check, leavingDeea big tip as we got into Bella's car. The drive was silent, and the closer we got to home, the more I worried that this had been a mistake. Maybe it was too soon, or too much to handle after the last few months, but I'd do anything to make it better.

The car came to a stop and Bella got out, leaving me to follow her in. I locked up and headed to my room to do some homework, giving her space to process whatDeehad said.

It was around ten-thirty when I climbed into bed, and right before I turned off the light and grabbed for my iPod, my door creaked open.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I replied back, not sure what she needed.

"Can I come in? I wanted to tell you something."

"Sure, climb in," I told her and soon she was pressed against my side, her head resting over my heart.

"Mark was the one who came to the house," Bella started without a preamble. "Dad had been working the night shift so we could do fun father/daughter stuff together so I wasn't sitting home alone the entire summer … that's why he was there that night."

She took a deep breath and continued, "I didn't know that he was dead when they brought me to the hospital. I'd demanded that Mark bring me and he did, simply because he wasn't sure how else to handle it. Your mom was there … waiting for me, but the moment Carlisle walked into the waiting room I knew it was bad news. He hadn't been working that night, so they called him in when the report of an officer down came in. Esme brought me here and I slept in your bed, did that until after the funeral."

I felt her shift against me before she spoke again. "My mom came in for the funeral, a whirlwind of plans, but your parents were steadfast. Charlie's will stated that he wanted me to finish school with my friends and I wanted it too, so I told my mom that I could either become an emancipated minor, or she could make your parents my guardians. She still tried to sell the house, but I refused. She left three days after the funeral, her part of the paperwork signed, and I haven't seen her since."

"She was here when you were in the hospital," I told her. "She fought with my parents and may have hit me because I told her off."

"Renee _hit _you? I could punch her for that." Bella was quiet again and then asked her next question. "How come I didn't see her?"

"Renee flew in during your 72-hour hospital stay, so she couldn't come in. She was going to sue my parents and take you home, but then we stood up and told her that she wasn't going to take you away from your friends because she was having a tantrum. She was gone soon after; I'm not sure when she left because I wasn't home."

"I'm all alone. Charlie's gone and now I don't have any family." Bella's whisper almost snuck past me.

"No, you're not. You have us, you'll always have me," I told Bella.

"Losing Charlie was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. We weren't big on expressing our emotions, so I had a lot of things left unsaid." Bella was quiet for a moment before she looked up at me, her eyes wet with tears. "I don't want that with you. I want you to know that I love you, and I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you."

"I love you too, Bella. Whatever you need, whatever I can do for you, it's yours." I promised, and it was the truth. I would do anything I could if it made her happy.

"I know, and that's why I want to get better. I need to get better for myself, but I want to get better for you." She rested her head back against my chest and I knew that we were done with all the serious conversation for tonight. But the progress we made was pretty amazing.


	11. Admissions

**Sorry for the delay, but I had to finish my piece for the Lymphoma charity. Luckily, I just got my next chapter of this back from Mizzdee and it will be off to Tkegl tonight. Then Burntcore will get her crack at it before you see it. Thanks for the support…this summer has been a rough one, but you always keep me smiling with your reviews and love for this and all my other fics. Enjoy~ **

Chapter 11 – Admissions

The first thing I saw when Bella and I got home was the critique from my art class. Taking the envelope off the top of the pile, I ran upstairs to read it. The paper was literally covered with words; the boxes that broke up the different parts of the critique were filled with his view of my work. That view was disappointed.

It was obvious to him that I had used a photograph instead of a live model because of the lack of dimension to it. Phrases like 'promise,' 'potential,' and 'good starting point,' sat next to 'needs more work,' leaving me feeling crushed.

I turned to the easel, which held the drawing of a hand and crumpled it up, knowing that it wouldn't be good enough. Looking down at my own hand, I decided to try to use myself as the model. I snapped a quick picture of my hand, so I would know the exact positioning to go back to, and then I got to work, hoping it wouldn't be another disaster.

I started working on it, knowing I would need a solid three to five hours of drawing to complete it. When I came down for dinner, I didn't talk much. I just hoped to be done so I could ship it off tomorrow, already near my time limit for submitting.

It was around nine when Bella knocked on my door.

"Hey, Edward, did you finish the English paper?"

"I did. I knew that I would need tonight to finish this." I looked at the sketch, feeling ambivalent about it, which wasn't a good thing.

"Okay, I'll just leave you alone to finish your work. I have to get some sleep anyway; Alice is dragging me to Port Angeles after school to go shopping for the Homecoming dance on Saturday."

That made me turn around, "You're going to the dance?"

"Yeah. Alice said they're going as a group. Emmett was going to mention it to you." Bella looked a little nervous, which I couldn't understand.

"I guess he's been busy getting ready for the game, but I'll totally go with you guys." I watched as Bella's smile faltered a bit, but she whispered goodnight before I could say anything.

"Shit," I muttered and followed her downstairs. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she muttered.

"Please don't do that," I told her. "I upset you and I don't know what I did."

"I just thought that after the other night …" She left out what was probably the most important part of the explanation, but as I stood their dumbly, the end of the night replayed in my head.

"You said 'I love you.' Was that more than a 'you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you' kind of love?" I asked.

"It's an 'I'm in love with you and it is obvious that you don't feel the same.'" Bella flopped down on her bed, but I wasn't having that.

"I'm sorry that my head is in my ass right now, but that isn't how I feel. At all." I crawled up on the bed next to Bella and pulled her close. "I love you, really and truly. I see us together forever, but every time I try to move forward, you seem to pull back."

"I'm afraid of getting hurt, but I'm not being fair to you either," Bella said, her nose touching mine.

"Will you be my date for Homecoming," I whispered.

"Yes," she said back.

I leaned in to kiss her when my cell phone started to ring, ending the moment. I pulled it out to see Emmett was calling.

"You have the worst timing ever, Emmett, I fucking swear," I growled into the phone.

"What? I just wanted to make sure you were coming to the dance with everyone," he said.

"I'm not going with everyone; Bella's going to be my date." I could feel the smile lighting up my face.

"Well shit, good for you man. I'll catch you tomorrow." Emmett laughed and then hung up, leaving me with Bella still pressed up against me.

"You have to finish your drawing; I'll see you in the morning."

I kissed her on the forehead and returned to my studio to finish the drawing. I knew it was marginally better than the original assignment, but something still felt off. I packaged the completed sketch to mail tomorrow and then went down to bed.

The next few days went by faster than I expected, considering I was trying not to think about what was happening the weekend. Before I really had a chance to think about it, Friday was here. Bella and I went to school like we always did, but there was an undercurrent to it, because tomorrow was our first date.

The following morning, we got ready and headed out. Soon we were sitting in the bleachers at The Pit, where the Homecoming game was being played. Neither Bella nor I knew anything about the sport, so we sat in the upper corner together cracking jokes. When the half was over, Alice came up to check on us.

"So, Edward, you're coming to my house to pick Bella up at seven tonight, right?"

"Wait, I thought we were just heading over straight from the house?" I looked between them, confused.

"Alice wants to torture me at her house for a while," Bella joked, but Alice jumped in.

"Edward, this is your first date, you have to do this right. Picking Bella up is an essential detail when you tell this story to your grandkids." Alice rolled her eyes while Bella just leaned into my side.

"It's just you and me driving over, so no worries," Bella whispered.

The three of us looked up as Emmett was paraded out onto the field, with Rosalie by his side. Mrs. Cope moved quickly, serving as the minister for the crowning ceremony. The crowd cheered through the halftime show and even Bella was clapping as the cheerleaders left the field. I'd never been to Homecoming before, but I knew this was something Bella did with Charlie, so watching her enjoying herself was huge. We hadn't talked about what today would be like. Bella told me that she'd talk to me if she needed to, and I believed her.

After an eternity, the second half started and Alice scurried back to sit with Jasper. The game went by slower during this half, but in the end, Forks High won the big game. The bleachers emptied out onto the field and we followed, congratulating Emmett. When the crowd thinned, Bella kissed my cheek and left with the girls, giving me most of the afternoon alone.

I went up to my studio and set up for tomorrow, knowing a majority of the day would be spent staring at my foot for the next assignment. These early assignments that all took up one session were easier in comparison to the next few. When I had to try to draw a single pose for four to five hours when it wasn't a complete sketch, only a body part would be a true test.

Deciding to add that to list of things I wasn't going to think about at the moment, I got in the shower. The problem with showering, when all I could think about was my date with Bella, was how hard it was to rub one out without my parents knowing about it.

After taking matters into my own hands, I threw on some shorts and went to grab something to eat.

"Are you excited for your big date tonight, son?" I turned and saw my dad walking into the kitchen.

"I'd prefer if you didn't call it my 'big' date, but yeah, I'm ready. Bella and I are doing really well. We're talking like we used to more often and I've gotten back the girl I fell in love with."

"Love, eh?" His eyes were dancing with his desire to rib me a little.

"She was the prettiest girl to walk into my Pre-K class and she's only gotten better with time. I know you guys are worried about us rushing into anything, but we've been waiting our entire lives for this moment. I'm not letting her go."

"Yes, your mother mentioned an application fee for the University of Alaska."

I shook my head. "That was a last resort."

"But Bella didn't apply anywhere else," he said.

"Yet, there's still time. And even if _she_ doesn't …"

"You didn't send out applications without her permission," he admonished.

"Not applications - application. Singular," I countered.

"It won't matter when she gets the letter and you tell her. This trust you have, the relationship you're building could come down around you like a house of cards. No more playing God with her future, Edward." His words were stern and I was feeling properly admonished as I went to throw in a frozen pizza.

The rest of the evening went by pretty quick and at six-thirty I got in my car and drove over to Alice's house. Emmett and Jasper's cars were already parked out front and Mrs. Brandon answered the door, a big smile on her face.

"Edward, it is such a treat to have you over. All of you children grow up so fast and I-"

"Dear, let the boy get his other foot in the door before you start your, 'my baby is all grown up' speech." Mr. Brandon smiled at me as he pulled his wife away before a throat cleared at the top of the stairs.

I fidgeted with the suit jacket I was wearing; suddenly glad I hadn't put on a tie. Alice was the first to walk down the stairs, wearing a shimmery black dress. Rosalie was next in a tight red dress, but the minute Bella appeared, everything else vanished.

She was wearing a peach dress with black lace wrapped around her waist and peeking out of the bottom of the skirt. It kind of poofed-out around her knees and she was wearing those black, catholic school girl type shoes.

"You look beautiful," I whispered.

"You don't look too bad yourself." She giggled and we all got together for a group picture before we walked out to our cars.

The drive was only a few minutes and soon we were walking up the steps to the gym's entrance. It had been decked out for the night all red and white for Spartan pride, but all I could focus on was the chocolate brown of Bella's eyes.

I was almost sorry that we'd never done this before, but at the same time, having one memory that didn't link to Charlie in some way was a relief. The beginning of the night was almost a contest to see which girl could be the cattiest, which Leah was battling Lauren for at the moment, but we paid them no attention.

Bella and I spent a good amount of time on the dance floor, and much to her surprise, she didn't maim me with her two left feet. Emmett and Jasper both stole her for a dance and I took my turns with Alice and Rose, happy that we had this group to make tonight special and keep the pressure off us.

It felt so right having her in my arms, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of my neck while I traced the lace that covered her tiny waist. It may have taken us thirteen years to get here, but I had no plan on leaving.

They redid the crowning ceremony, with Rose and Emmett totally eating it up, and then the dance continued.

It was almost ten when Bella squeezed my hand and whispered that she wanted to get out of there. I was only too happy to agree.

We walked out into the night and Bella shivered almost immediately at the temperature change, so I slid my jacket off and helped her into it. The car ride home felt a little longer than normal, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable, it was us.

I parked in the garage and Bella and I parted ways for the moment outside her door, both of us going to change. A few minutes later, Bella was back in my room as we settled into bed together. My hand held her close as I looked into her eyes, and before I knew what I was doing, I leaned in and touched my lips to hers.

It wasn't intense, or all consuming, but there was an understated passion as our lips moved together. All the love we had finally been able to express was proved there, lying in my bed. Neither one of us pushed for anything more, what we had was enough for the moment.

When we broke apart for air, she brushed her fingers across my cheek and smiled. "Sweet dreams, Edward."

"As long as I dream of you, they will be," I responded.

*WC*

The next morning I woke up alone, which would have been crushing if I didn't know Bella. After a night of hairspray and mascara, she needed a long shower to feel like herself again.

I went upstairs, still in my sleepwear and started looking at my foot, figuring out how in the hell I would sketch it when Bella came in.

"Thought you could use some coffee," she said, the mug extended towards me.

"Thanks, I'll need it to figure this out."

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"The site ended up not working, because I wasn't able to add a sense of life to the sketch without having the real person in front of me. The sketch I did of my hand will be critiqued, and sent back to me at the beginning of next week, but I really need to get the next one done. So I have to figure out how to draw my foot."

"What if you had a live model?"

"Well, that would be ideal," I admitted. "And while it would work for the first few sketches of body parts, it wouldn't last, because my last sketch is a redo of my original assignment, which was a nude full body sketch."

"How old does the model have to be? Is there a waiver I'd have to sign or something?" I froze.

"Bella, you really don't have to -" I started, but she leaned in and kissed me to silence my rebuttal.

"Let me do this for you," she pleaded and truthfully, I didn't want to say no.

"You ready to start now?" I asked.

"Absolutely, pose your model however you want." She giggled and I couldn't help but join her.

It took a few minutes, but I got her seated with her foot pressed against the side of the arm of the chair. Her calf was flexed, but not uncomfortably, and I was set up with my easel. After taking a photo for the teacher to compare to, I began to draw.

We passed most of the morning there, Bella focused on me while I concentrated on my work. By the time I was done, my mom was coming to find us about lunch and for the first time, I felt good about something I was going to submit. We could come back to it later this evening to finish it up, but finally I was on solid footing in this class, and all it took was my muse stepping up to rescue me.


	12. Shaking Off the Haze

**Another week, another chapter … love to team AGW and there are some things brewing here that will simmer for a few chapters … a watched pot never boils and all that jazz. **

Chapter 12 – Shaking Off the Haze

The week moved quickly, my critique coming Tuesday and the promise of another one around the same time next week for the sketch of Bella. I knew the next assignment, I'd explained it to her and her response was a laugh.

"_So, I'll sit with my back to you. If you're uncomfortable I can wrap a towel around my front."_

_I shook my head. "I'm more worried about you being comfortable."_

"_Then we're fine."_

I was jarred from the memory by the sound of Jasper dropping into the seat next to me. "Rose and I are throwing a party, you two in?"

"When is it?" I asked.

"Friday night," he responded.

"I'll ask her if she wants to go, but my parents are gone for the weekend. It took my dad having an hour conversation with Bella for him to agree to go to the conference."

"Cool, let me know what your girl says." Jasper started to get up, but then sat back down. "Oh, and Rose told Jake and Leah that they were personally not invited, so you won't have that drama."

"It's moments like this that I love your sister," I told him with a laugh.

I told Bella about the party on the drive home and she said it sounded fun, so I texted Jasper to let him know we were in.

Bella went to her therapy, the only real separation between us, while I started thinking about what my father had said and I knew that I had better fess up before any more time passed.

She got home later that evening and found me in my studio. I was moving some of my pieces around, smiling as she settled into the couch. _Now or never_, I thought.

"Bella, I have to tell you something, and I hope you won't be too mad at me when you find out."

She tensed, but motioned for me to continue. "I know you're dead set on going to Alaska, and I'm not going to try and stop you from going there, but you should know I filled out a few applications that you don't know about."

"You applied to Alaska?" she asked, not seeming mad at all.

"Yeah, I just hated the thought of you being so far away." I admitted, but then took a deep breath and continued. "I also filled out an application to DePaul in Chicago … for you."

"What do you mean you filled out an application for me?" she yelled.

"I took a set of your recommendation letters and printed out your personal statement. They have a great education program there and I wanted you to have another option in case you wanted it." I held my breath, not sure how she was going to react.

"I can't believe you did that," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"But you're not. You'd do it all again if you had to." She was pacing now and the erratic movement made me nervous. "Are there any others?"

"No, and you can withdraw your application if you're that upset. I was trying to take care of you when I did it, but that's not what you need, not like that, at least."

"Damn straight." She smiled as soon as the words left her mouth. "I need you to support me, not do things for me, okay?"

"I promise, partners. Now, can we discuss where I want you when you take off your clothes?"

That got a cackle and just like that, we were okay again.

*WC*

Friday morning, my parents headed out for the airport, promising to be back Monday when we got home from school. Bella and I headed to school and the halls were buzzing about the party that night. To kill a few of the hours before the party, Bella and I did some work on my next sketch. Her beautiful back was displayed before me until she ran off to shower and change.

I put on a fresh shirt, but didn't do anything beyond that, so I was flipping through the channels when Bella came down in a halter top and tight jeans.

"Damn, baby, can't we stay home tonight?"

She giggled and smacked my arm as we walked to the door. "This was your idea."

"Technically, it was Jasper and Rosalie's," I countered.

I drove across town, finding way too many cars there already. Bella found Alice and was quickly off to hang out with the girls, while I went in search of Emmett and Jasper.

There was a card game in the basement, so I sat in after the next hand and we all joked and the rest of the guys drank while we played.

"Edwaaarrd?" I could hear the liquor in her voice as she swayed her way to me almost an hour later, Alice and Rose on her heels.

I shot them both a nasty look before Bella sat in my lap. "Hey Baby, you having fun up there?"

"I was, but you've been gone for so long," she slurred slightly.

"You left me, remember?" I was annoyed that she'd managed to get drunk with the girls in that short amount of time.

"But you came down here and I couldn't find you," she whined, trailing her hands over my shoulder.

"Deal me out," I said as I took her hand, walking upstairs.

"What's wrong baby?" she asked as I led her into the backyard.

"What are you doing? I thought you weren't drinking anymore."

"When did I ever say that? Just because you don't drink, doesn't mean I'm going to stop," she yelled at me, her hands on her hips.

"No, I'm just surprised that after everything that's happened and how far you've come that you're crawling back into the bottle. Am I supposed to be waiting to pick you up every time? Because I don't know if I'm strong enough to watch you self-destruct again."

"I'm not someone who needs to be taken care of, Edward. And when you do shit like filling out applications and embarrassing me when I'm having fun like a normal teenager, it makes me feel smothered." I watched as her eyes drilled holes into me, but I couldn't say what I wanted to right now, not with her so upset.

"We used to have fun without all of this bullshit, Bella, but I'm not going to push you and I'm not going to _smother_ you. I'll see you tomorrow." My feet were already moving as I left her in the back yard and got into the car.

I was so angry at both myself and Bella as I drove and my slamming around the house when I got in wasn't bothering anyone because I was the only one there.

This night had started out so full of possibilities and I was once again home alone. Bella and I had been doing so well and I was starting to wonder if we'd ever really get out of the rut we were in or if we were destined to be a memory. It took me a long time to get to sleep after that and the sleep that did come wasn't at all peaceful.

There was noise at the edge of my consciousness, but I didn't register anything until the bed dipped beside me and I felt her small hand on my cheek. Even asleep, I knew Bella's touch.

Before I could acknowledge that I was awake, she sighed and spoke softly to me. "I can't seem to do much right these days, can I? We were supposed to enjoy ourselves and then come back here and have fun all alone for the weekend, but I fucked it up. How could I not see it? I'm pushing you away and pretty soon someone will realize the catch I've been hogging to myself and you might just go with them. Anyone would be less work than I am. Maybe that's what we both deserve, you'd get your happiness, and I'd be left behind. Because if I can't keep from breaking you; then I sure as hell don't deserve you."

Hearing her words, I knew I had to respond. "You don't deserve to be alone, and I only want you."

I rolled over to face her, seeing the evidence of her tears as gray lines streaked across her cheeks. "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean for any of that to happen."

"Why did you do it? Why even take a drink?" I needed to know what made her think that was a good idea.

"I thought I could drink without getting drunk and doing something stupid. I guess I was wrong there."

"I was just shocked that you'd want to," I admitted as she stared at her hands. "So much of the spiral last time led back to the fact that you were too drunk to think clearly."

"I know, but I didn't think it was a problem until our fight. After you left, I thought about your reaction, and how you were after my suicide attempt … it let me see just how much I hurt you. You are so important to me, I don't want to be the one to hurt you."

I took a deep breath, knowing that the only way she could really see would be to tell her my side of that, but I didn't know if she was ready to hear it.

"Edward, what is it?" I looked up to see her soulful brown eyes looking at me.

"I want to tell you something, but I don't want to put the pressure on you if you're not ready."

"It's about the night I almost died, isn't it?" She reached her hand up to my hair.

"Don't say it like that," I hissed, "but yes, that is what I want to talk about."

"Tell me," she whispered.

I pulled on Bella's waist, wanting to feel her in my arms as I told her my side of that night. She lay beside me, her hand still in my hair as I looked into her eyes. "I was worried about you, you seemed to be pulling away and I couldn't do anything right by you. Then that day, I was upstairs and I heard the music blaring, and for a while, I tried to drown it out. But when it started to loop, I couldn't take it, so I started banging on the door. When I got in the room and I saw you …." My breath caught in my throat at the memory. "You were pale and the blood … I panicked. I thought I was watching you die. I kept chanting in my head 'please don't leave me,' but I was petrified that I'd been too late, that I'd been painting while you were taking your last breath."

I stopped for a moment, Bella's body pressing firmer against mine as I tried to finish my story. "When you said it was too hard to be around me, I thought that I might have been part of the reason you'd done it. It hurt to stay away but I did it for you." I reached up to cover the hand that she rested on my cheek with my own as I moved on. "Seeing you drinking last night … I didn't know what to do. My reaction at the first party didn't work and you seemed to drink more after that. The thought of you doing that again, or something worse, Bella, I would die with you."

"Please don't say that," Bella whispered. "I can't think of a world without your beauty in it. You're so special, Edward, and it would be an outrage to lose you so young. I'm going to explain what was going on with me, that way you'll know that it can't happen again. Not like that."

Bella took a deep breath as I urged her to speak. "I was a mess after my dad, you know that. But I was trying to be perfect. Not cause your parents problems, not be too sad or odd for my friends, and then you came back and you were everything I'd felt that I lost. Then you started to see the thing I was hiding and feeling that I'd disappointed you, it added to all the other doubts and self-loathing I felt."

Bella shifted so we were looking into each other's eyes for the next sentence. "On some level, I was trying to kill myself that night. It wasn't conscious, but it was buried deep. I wanted the pain to end, the vicious cycle that was my life to stop and that's why I cut as deep as I did, to cut out those feelings. I wanted to feel everything and nothing and even though I never thought 'I'm going to kill myself,' it's what I was doing."

Her eyes fell to the buttons on my shirt, unable to say what was left to come to my face. "It took me a while to figure it out … and it's been the main focus of my therapy so far, but I realized that the path I was on was leading me to those feelings and I needed to hit that rock bottom to make the choice to live again and find what I was missing in positive things. I don't think I could get back to the place I was that night again, but I see why my drinking frightens you. Honestly, after waking up to the memory of last night, it scares me too. I'm going to stop, for myself."

"Really?" I asked, a little surprised.

"Yes, I need to find healthy ways to deal with my emotions, and being with you is the best idea I've come up with."

"Do you want to finish modeling today, or wait until tomorrow?" I asked, wanting to get it out in the open so we could either do it, or relax until tomorrow.

"Can we do it later this afternoon? Right now I'd just like it if you held me."

I smiled and held her close again. "I can't think of anything better."


	13. Beauty and Strength

**Thank you all so much for your patience as I work through the next few busy months. I'm writing for four charities, the info for all of them can be found on my fanfiction profile, or you can PM me. The charities are MAL and Leo, Fandom 4 Texas, Fandom Gives Back, and Fandom 4 Cancer.**

**Also, to everyone who checked out my feature on Southern Fan Fiction Review, the response was great and the story will be going posted on here tomorrow.**

**Team AGW worked so hard to get this to me in time for today, so much love to Mizzdee, Tkegl, and burntcore. Now, enjoy Halloween!**

Chapter 13 – Beauty and Strength

October seemed to vanish at the blink of an eye, and now we were talking about Mike Newton's annual Halloween party. I hadn't really wanted to go, but Bella had asked me if we could, and I couldn't say no to her. The entire grade would be there, but Bella told me that she wanted to enjoy a party without drinking. Plus, there was a garment bag in her closet with a luggage lock on it that I wasn't allowed to look at. That thing was killing me, but she promised that it was worth my effort, so I didn't try to break the lock, too much.

What pissed me off a little was the fact that Alice announced that she'd found my costume and I'd love it. I was annoyed that I wouldn't even see my own costume until Friday afternoon, but Bella's lips were good at silencing me. I may have argued more than normal just to give her an excuse to kiss me quiet.

The one thing that was working out amazing was my art class. The last few critiques were marked improvements from before and Bella really was my muse. I couldn't draw her and make her look bad. I might nitpick at the picture forever, but you couldn't make her look like anything less than the gorgeous girl she was. My girl.

Emmett had begun to train me harder, now that I could stand what we had been doing, and I could see the difference in my body. Bella enjoyed it as well, her fingers tracing my newfound muscles while we made out.

The one thing that hadn't changed was Bella's decision about college. We'd both sent in the last of our supplemental information to our various schools, but Bella still hadn't applied anywhere else. She did keep her application in at DePaul, but it never came up after the day I told her.

I'd been worried that she would lash out for it, but after the fight she let it go, and we were now stronger than ever.

I spent Wednesday night finishing the paper that was due on Monday so it wasn't an issue. This weekend Bella and I would be doing my final assignment for my art class. If she was nervous about posing completely nude in front of me, she didn't show it. She just laughed about it every time it came up.

Thursday dragged as Bella went to therapy after school and I was left alone with nothing to do but think about the costume that I wasn't allowed to look at. I knew whatever it was, Bella would look fantastic, but Emmett told me that Alice and Rosalie were fans of couple's costumes, and Bella likely went along with them. That didn't bother me though; let the whole school see that she was mine.

Just then, I heard the door close as Bella skipped over, settling on my lap and attacking my mouth. I responded almost immediately but unfortunately, she pulled back, a smile on her face.

"Well, hello to you too," I said with a laugh.

"My therapist was so happy when I told her about how I opened up to you. Granted, she wasn't pleased about the drinking, but she said I had a real breakthrough admitting what I did to you. I'm not holding things in anymore and you're the only person I trust with all of my deep, dark secrets."

"I'm glad you trust me, I will never regret anything more than I will not coming home to be there for you." I leaned into the couch as Bella's hand caressed my cheek.

"Edward, I wasn't listening to anyone then. I'm happy you got that once in a lifetime opportunity, because if you had come home I would have felt like I'd taken that from you."

I held her close, the only thing that kept me from kissing her again was the sound of my mom coming in the back door.

"Oh good, you're home. Dinner should be ready soon, so why don't you kids wash up?" My mom, Queen of the cock-block.

After dinner Bella stayed in her room, working on the paper I'd already finished, so I fell asleep without her.

Friday was going to be an odd day, I knew that the moment I woke up. It was a feeling deep in my bones, which was confirmed the moment Bella got in the car with me. She reached over and started rubbing her hand along the top of my thigh, dipping down to brush the inside before retreating.

She continued the torture through every class we shared, but when we got home, she vanished. I heard the water run in her bathroom, but the shower never kicked on, so she was taking a bath. I ordered pizza for us and then turned on the TV downstairs to wait for it.

I delivered dinner up to her, a call of thanks coming from the bathroom as I decided that I should start to get ready. I hopped in the shower and got myself cleaned up, some parts better than others, and then climbed out; realizing I'd left my towel lying on my bed.

I walked into my bedroom and almost had a heart attack at the shriek I heard.

"Edward, I'm _so_ sorry. I thought I could leave this in here and get out before you were done." Alice was rambling with her back to me now, and I would have laughed if it weren't so embarrassing.

"Pass me my towel, Alice."

That snapped her out of it and she threw it in my direction without turning so I could cover myself up. "Are you decent?"

"Yeah," I answered.

"Okay, so your costume is right there and Bella can help you with the little bit of makeup you'll need. See you at Mike's, bye." She was out of the room as soon as the last word left her mouth. I'd never seen her so flustered before.

I dried off and looked at my costume. I was confused. It was a tie and robe, but it wasn't until I looked closer and saw the Hogwarts symbol that it made sense. I was Harry Potter. This through the couples idea out, because I couldn't see Bella as Ginny, but maybe she would be in something fun. I pulled out a pair of dress pants and a white button down and got dressed, tying the tie and throwing on the robe.

There was a knock on my door just as I put on some dress shoes and I opened it to see Bella looking back at me in the hottest fucking Hermione costume ever. I knew it was Hermione because she had her hair down, but had teased it some to make it look like an earlier movie, plus, no one would relegate her to some unnamed character in an outfit that sexy.

"Holy shit, you look hot," I said, not even hiding how I was looking her up and down.

"Speak for yourself. Now, let me add your scar and I've got your glasses."

I sat still while she added the finishing touches and then we headed out to the car.

"Okay I have to ask," I said halfway through town. "Why Harry and Hermione?"

"Alice is a Harmione shipper, but we're all HP characters." Bella started to chuckle and I knew this was going to be good.

Sure enough, we got to Mike's and I saw Emmett immediately, dressed as Hagrid. Next to him was Rose, done up like a female Death Eater. Jasper was Draco and Alice was Tonks. It was fucking hilarious.

Emmett's wolf whistle when we walked up was met with a glare from me, but soon we were all laughing about the costumes. Soon, the girls went to get drinks, but Bella returned with two sodas, one of which she handed me as she sat in my lap.

Emmett and Jasper went off to join the beer pong game and Alice and Rosalie followed, hoping to keep the trash –talk to a minimum, so Bella and I were left alone.

We stayed on the couch, making out for a while when we heard a throat clear in front of us. I looked up to see Jacob staring at Bella's ass.

"It's been a while since I've seen that and I have to say, looking good, Bells." He was still leering at her and all I wanted to do was cover her with my robe.

"Jacob, you really are a worthless piece of shit, do you know that?" Bella spat, catching us both by surprise. "We've already discussed, in detail, just how much of a mistake me ever getting that close to you was and how you took advantage of the fact that I was drunk. But I see I have to make it a little clearer for you.

"You made me hate myself so much after it happened, feeling like I'd let myself and Charlie down. You used his memory when that's all I have left of him," she continued. Her low voice was somehow managing to not draw attention even though her tone was nothing short of cruel. "I was a wreck, drinking and shutting down after losing Charlie, I took a knife to my arm I was so twisted up over everything that had happened and my inability to cope with it. So, anything we may have been, or our fathers may have been to each other, you destroyed when you did what you did. I hope it was worth it."

I was watching the absolutely mortified look on Jacob's face when Bella grabbed my face and started kissing me again. I couldn't believe she told him that, especially with the emotion she did, without leaving my lap. It didn't take long for my mind to drift away from Jacob and to the phenomenal woman I had in my arms.

We didn't last that much longer at the party, dancing a little when the gang returned from the game. By eleven-thirty we were home and I was watching Bella strip out of that tight little dress before she climbed into bed next to me.

"Bella, I have to ask about your fight with Jacob."

"My therapist told me that I had to let him know exactly how I felt. Sometimes you can't bite your tongue to save someone's feelings when they've done nothing to save mine."

Her eyes closed, and I could tell she was thinking about everything that had happened tonight. "Baby, I just didn't want you to regret saying it. If you don't, then don't sweat it. If there's anything about tonight we should rehash, I think we could go over the make out session he interrupted."

"You're impossible." She giggled.

"And you love me for it," I replied.

"I do."

*WC*

I had all my art supplies set up, the couch was draped with a sheet so that I could focus on Bella.

Shit.

How was I supposed to sketch her naked, when it will be the first time I've seen her completely naked.

Fuck.

The knock on the door interrupted me, Bella's head popping into the room. "Are you ready, or do you need another few minutes?"

"I'm ready," I said, my voice trembling with nervous excitement.

Bella walked into the room and observed how I'd set it up and then looked back to me. "I don't know how you want me on the couch?"

Chuckling at how thick I was being at the moment, I showed her the photo I'd found online of a woman on a couch so she'd have an idea and then she dropped her robe and got on the couch. I had to reposition her a little, turning her arm and pulling her right leg forward so that her … so that nothing was showing that shouldn't be showing in a picture for my art class.

Once she was in the correct pose, I moved to the easel and tried to breathe. Maybe if I focused on one section at a time, then I'd make it through.

Time moved by as I traced every inch of her skin with my pencil, the curve of her ass, the dip down from her hip to her waist, the swell of her breasts. I took my time as I memorized each detail as I went back to do the final shading. I hadn't realized how long we'd been working until I heard her stomach grumble, followed by a soft giggle.

"Shit, I didn't realize we were up here that long. Do you want to take a break?"

"I'm fine, how much more do you need to do?" she asked.

"I'm actually done."

"You are?" She seemed surprised, but we had been up here for nearly five hours.

"Yeah, if I'd been in the class the session would have lasted this long."

I started cleaning up, moving things back into their homes when I noticed Bella standing by the drying rack, the robe tied tightly around her. It took a minute, but I heard the stuttered intake of air that let me know she was crying.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her waist and looking over her shoulder to see the wilted carnation painting I'd done that night back in September.

"I was just remembering how you used to bring me those carnations from Esme's garden. And that day you came over and gave me the card saying that said I was 'as pretty as a flower.'" She sighed and sat the painting down. "I guess I'm not as pretty as a flower anymore."

I gasped and turned her around to face me. "Don't _ever_ say that. You are the most beautiful person I've ever met, inside and out and I can prove it to you."

I walked her over to the sketch and pointed to it. "Look at that woman. She's perfect. Long legs for a person who's as petite as you are, a curvy little figure that blooms into a pair of breasts most women would pay for. You've got this beautiful face with soulful chocolate eyes and mahogany hair that frames it like a masterpiece. But more importantly, you're strong and sensitive and you've lived through hell and managed to survive." I took a breath from my rambling explanation and captured her eyes with my own. "You are more beautiful every day and I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you."

"You shouldn't make promises -" Bella started, but I couldn't let her continue.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I just need you to believe that," I told her, hoping someday soon she would.


	14. The Start of Something

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Warning: Story is rated NC-17 for language, teenage debauchery, depression and moments of self injury, and lemons.**

**Another one that has been waiting a long time for me to find my way back to, and I've managed to do it. Love to team AGW: mizzdee, tkegl, and burntcore.**

**Thank you for sticking with me. I have a firm outline in place and a desire to see this story reach its "aww" moment, right before I hit complete. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 14 – The Start of Something

We still had three weeks before Thanksgiving, but Bella seemed to be moping more than usual. I didn't know what reason she might have to be moody, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. There were still too many things that could be floating around waiting to explode; like the application thing, or the way we were when I first came home. I just had to have faith that she'd come to me when she was ready.

Another three days of classes came and went with nothing but this odd tension between us. It wasn't bad enough to keep us apart, but just present enough to bug the shit out of me.

Finally, she walked into my room on Friday evening and sat on my bed with two movie cases in her hands. "So, I was thinking that maybe we could finally finish _My Girl_. Maybe even watch _My Girl 2_?"

I looked at her, because that was the last thing I expected her to say, but hell, maybe it was what had been bothering her. The first time we tried to watch it, she lost it when it got to the part where Thomas J. died, so maybe this was more of her working through the things she had been pushing aside.

"Sure, do you want to start it from the beginning, or pick it up from where we stopped last time?"

"Start from the beginning," she told me. I set up the movie and climbed up next to her as the opening credits ran.

The first portion of the movie went on just like it had last time, but when we got to the moment in the woods Bella hugged me closely. She watched the screen, tears streaming down her cheeks, but to her credit, we continued the movie. I sat there beside her as she cried with Vada and watched her begin to move on.

When the movie ended, I got up to change discs while she ran to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she returned in her pajamas and I hit play, pulling her against me again. This movie was difficult for Bella in a different way, as Vada dealt with trying to discover who her mother was. There were a few times that Bella cried as Vada was left wondering just how much she'd been told about her mother's past.

"Do you think my dad has some big secrets out there that I don't know about?" Bella asked after the movie was over.

"I think it would be a lot harder for you to be that oblivious when you lived with him, but I'm sure there are things about Charlie you'll learn when you're older that will surprise you. He was a straight shooter, but you could always do your own little investigation if you wanted." I debated for a moment before I mentioned the easiest place to start. "Have you thought about going to your house and going through any of the things there?"

"I can't even go to his grave, there's no way I could handle being in the house yet. But it would be a good idea before I go off to college in the fall. Maybe you could help if you aren't off studying art somewhere."

"I'm not going to be anywhere but where you are this summer," I told her honestly. "Will you go out with me?"

"You mean, like a date?" she asked cryptically, into the dark of my bedroom.

"Yeah … a date."

"I'd love to. Where are you taking me?"

"I'm not telling you, but it's going to special. I have to figure it out. But we still have two weeks before Thanksgiving break, so I have plenty of time to come up with something."

"You want to do it over Thanksgiving break?" Again, she sounded worried and the distance was starting to creep in.

"I mean, we could do something simple like a movie, but I kind of wanted to make a whole day out of it."

"Can you try to plan it for next weekend? Because I'm going to my mom's for Thanksgiving."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

She sighed against me. "I was trying to get out of it. But she was adamant that I go and see her for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, and there was no way I was going to be with her for the whole break."

"Well, I'll miss you."

Bella chuckled. "It's only four days."

"I know, but I'm not a big fan of your mom, she did assault me the last time we were near each other." Bella had heard that story, kind of amazed that she'd actually done it, but that was Renee.

"Edward, if I'm going to get her used to the fact that I'm graduating and moving on, I have to give her a proper good-bye." Bella was starting to yawn, so I moved to end the conversation.

"Night, Bella."

"Night, Edward," Bella whispered back before she drifted off.

*WC*

The next week of school was busy with our teachers starting to cram things in before the break, but with a little maneuvering, I got the perfect date planned. I told Bella that Saturday was all ours, and as I waited by my car, my mind travelled over the plans for the day.

The sound of the front door slamming shook me from my thoughts as Bella skipped down the steps in jeans and a flannel, her tank top peeking out from behind the open buttons. I opened the door for her and then walked around the car. Thankfully, she waited until I started pulling out before she started to question me.

"You're really not going to tell me?"

That didn't take long.

"No, but we'll be in the car for a while, so if there's something you want to talk about, we have the time."

Bella sat quietly for a few minutes before she turned to me. "Tell me about Europe."

So that's what we did. For the entire ride I told her about the things I'd seen and the people I'd met. I described the hotels I'd stayed at and the amazing beauty of the old architecture and the natural surroundings. She asked me about the lessons and the different teachers I studied with. I promised her that we'd go there someday, and I'd show her the wonders of Europe and we could experience the parts I hadn't seen together. Thinking of our future like that was wonderful, because Bella was active in the planning … something she hadn't done in a while.

The four and a half hour drive ended as I pulled up the main road for the Apple Creek Orchard.

"We're going apple picking?" Bella's voice shot up as she saw the sign at the entrance.

"Yeah, I thought it would be fun, and we'll have plenty of fruit for tarts and pies and stuff. I have some sandwiches and stuff for lunch."

"Thank you, I haven't gone apple picking since I was little." Bella smiled as she looked around at the orchard.

We met up with Jenny, an employee who gave us the cart and buckets, and then we took our lunch and headed out into the orchard. For two hours, we ran around picking different apples and snacking on our meal, the smiles never leaving our faces.

Bella was open and laughing, more so than I'd seen since before Charlie died and I was happy to be the cause of it.

We drove home, joking and flirting the entire time. The ferry ride was my favorite part because I just got to make out with her. Her mom called near the end of our drive, but she ignored it so that we could enjoy our last hour before we got home.

My mom was waiting when we got home, and Bella and her went off to wash the apples so they could start their baking. Dinner would be done soon and I decided to pass the time by doing some homework.

Things were finally going our way, and I hoped that after she got back from her mom's we could continue with the progress we'd been making, because I was finally getting my Bella back.


End file.
